10 Beautiful Lines ...

SOMEONE HAS WRITTEN THESE 10 BEAUTIFUL LINES. READ and TRY  to UNDERSTAND the DEEPER MEANING of THEM.

1. PRAYER is not a "spare wheel" that YOU PULL OUT when IN trouble, but it is a "STEERING WHEEL" that DIRECT the RIGHT PATH THROUGHOUT LIFE. 
2. Why is a CAR'S WINDSHIELD so LARGE & the REAR VIEW MIRROR so small? BECAUSE our PAST is NOT as IMPORTANT as OUR FUTURE. So, LOOK AHEAD and MOVE ON. 
3. FRIENDSHIP is like a BOOK. It takes a FEW SECONDS to BURN, but it TAKES YEARS to WRITE.
4. All THINGS in LIFE are TEMPORARY. If they are GOING WELL, ENJOY them, they WILL NOT LAST FOREVER. If they are going wrong, don't WORRY, THEY CAN'T LAST LONG EITHER. 
5. Old FRIENDS are GOLD! NEW friends are DIAMONDS! If you GET a DIAMOND, DON'T FORGET the GOLD! To HOLD a DIAMOND, you ALWAYS NEED a BASE of GOLD! 
6. Often when WE LOSE HOPE and THINK this is the END, GOD SMILES from ABOVE and SAYS, "RELAX, SWEETHEART; it's JUST a BEND, NOT THE END!" 
7. When GOD SOLVES your PROBLEMS, you HAVE FAITH in HIS ABILITIES; when GOD DOESN'T SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS, HE has FAITH in YOUR ABILITIES. 
8. A BLIND PERSON asked GOD: "CAN THERE be ANYTHING WORSE THAN LOSING EYE SIGHT?" HE REPLIED: "YES, LOSING YOUR VISION!" 
9. When YOU PRAY for OTHERS, GOD LISTEN to YOU and BLESSES THEM, and SOMETIMES, when you are SAFE and HAPPY, REMEMBER that SOMEONE has PRAYED for YOU.  
10. WORRYING does NOT TAKE AWAY TOMORROW'S TROUBLES; IT TAKES AWAY today's PEACE.  

Love Needs To Be Constantly Cleansed

Love Needs to be Constantly Cleansed - Ajahn Jayasaro

In the stories that I cherished in my youth, happy endings almost always involved some kind of love, and I began to observe that in “real life” love is not always a guarantee of happiness and it rarely resolves anything for very long. One of the slogans of the day which impressed me the most as a teenager was the one that asked whether you were part of the problem or part of the solution. I think that this is a question we might ask about love. Is it truly part of the solution to our suffering in life or does it merely compound it? My short answer to this question is that it depends. On what? On the kind of love and how you care for it. Even the purest love needs to be constantly cleansed.

Why is it necessary to keep cleansing love? The easy answer is that it tends to get soiled. And the dirt that soils it is suffering and the cause of suffering: craving. Since we human beings do not desire even a shred of suffering and gladly accept every little bit of happiness that comes our way, it makes sense for us to ensure that all the various aspects of our life, including love, be as conducive to happiness and as safe from suffering as possible. Love is a part of life which we need to imbue with wisdom and understanding.

Love tends to get intertwined with other emotions, making those who have never considered it closely mistake the emotions associated with love for a part of, or indeed expressions of, love itself. Usually, for example, rather than considering worries and jealousy to be impurities of love, we take them to be a proof of it, and thus gladly harbor such feelings. We tend to blind ourselves to love’s impurities. It is alarming how easily the defilements (i.e. negative mental states such as greed, hatred and delusion), which can destroy love, sneak inside a heart. Most people are like the owner of a home with a wide opening instead of a door. Anyone is free to enter or exit such a house and it is no surprise that thieves abound.

It is intelligent to learn about love because knowing and understanding our own nature is the only way to the peace and happiness that we human beings can and should aspire to.

About the Author: excerpted from Ajahn Jayasaro's book, On Love.

What you give, you will receive, although it might sometimes come from the place you least expect.  -- Paulo Coelho

The Giving Season

--by Jennifer Merlich, syndicated from wewerewild.com, Oct 16, 2016

I was recently the recipient of an incredible act of anonymous kindness. It came from out of nowhere, at exactly the right time.  The magnitude of the gift moved me to tears, and I was so grateful and profoundly moved by the generosity of my unknown benefactor.  But I was also sure there had been a mistake. In the midst of this beautiful act, I am ashamed to admit that I was momentarily overcome by feelings of unworthiness.  I simply couldn’t believe I was deserving of such radical kindness.  Had I been face to face with my benefactor, I would have given them 100 reasons why they “shouldn’t have”, attempting to convince them that they were wrong about me—that their generosity was misdirected.  Fortunately, I quickly realized that to focus on my feelings of unworthiness would be to dishonor the gift and the beautiful spirit in which it was so lovingly given.

And I think that’s the beauty of an anonymous gift. It gave me the time and the space I needed to process the feelings it stirred up inside of me.  I was able to sit with the discomfort of unworthiness and ultimately see it for what it is— a lie—something I came to believe long ago, that no longer serves me.  Now, it is nothing more than a habit.  It is a “go-to” response that I can either choose to feed in the moment, or not.  This revelation was a gift within the gift.  As I was unable to speak to my anonymous benefactor and enumerate the ways in which I did not deserve the kindness they showed to me, the only way I could honor them was to suck it up in all its beautiful glory and put my faith in THEIR belief that I was, in fact, worthy.

But how do you thank someone for such a gift?  How do you show them even a fraction of the gratitude in your heart when you have no idea who they are?  How do you pay them back?    Sometimes the only way to pay it back is to pay it forward.

And once again, the timing of life was perfect.  While contemplating just how to capitalize on the wave of gratitude and hope I was riding in order to send it spinning out into the world, I was invited to participate in a 40 Days of Giving practice with others at my spiritual center.  It was a new take on a familiar tradition.  Lent had always been a period of sorrow, penance and self-denial, but this year I would approach it with an attitude of abundance, joy and generosity.  And in doing so, I would begin to fulfill a promise I made to an unknown friend, when I vowed that the kindness shown to me would find its way out into the world through my words, my hands, and my actions.

During the 40 days, the gifts I gave were diverse and mostly simple in nature.  Some were tangible, like the can of dog food and spare change I gave the young homeless man cradling a puppy so lovingly in his arms.  Others were immeasurable in the traditional sense, like the time I bit my tongue and offered compassion in response to an angry outburst from a fearful soul.  Or the gift I gave two unknown parents the day I slowed down and allowed their teenager—who was making terrible choices behind the wheel—to dart in front of me and exit the freeway.  By consciously choosing to alter my course so that he could safely change lanes, I diffused a dangerous situation, where tragedy might otherwise have been the outcome from his momentary lack of sound judgement.

And now, as I stand on the other side of the 40 days of giving, I can clearly see how transformational the whole practice—from both sides of the giving/receiving dance— has been.  I now understand that I had to first learn the lesson of worthiness in order to appreciate the gift that is innate in the act of receiving with an open heart.  When I receive joyfully and gratefully, Iallow you, the giver, to  experience connection, compassion and grace.  And you in turn do the same for me when our roles are reversed. The lines distinguishing the giver from the receiver are blurred, as the giving becomes the receiving which becomes the giving.  This infinite loop is where magic happens.  By engaging wholeheartedly in this dance, we create exponential possibilities from one tiny little ripple.

I learned so much during this season of giving.  In all cases, the commitment to the practice and the mindfulness it created made the difference in how I approached each giving opportunity.  Taking a cue from my benefactor, I learned that anonymity can be a form of kindness when it allows the recipient to maintain a sense of dignity, or to practice the gift of receiving in their own time and space.  But when applying anonymity to my own practice of giving I quickly learned that it can be self-serving, too.  For someone like me who craves intimacy but has also been fearful of it for many years, anonymous giving can easily become just another way to avoid connection. And that kind of defeats the purpose. So my litmus test—or my compass—was to simply ask myself, “In this situation, is the anonymity a gift for my recipient or a crutch for me?”

I learned that any act of kindness, regardless of how big or small, has the potential to change not only the giver and the receiver, but all of those in close proximity to the people on either side of the equation.  Because once engaged in the giving/receiving dance, the way in which we interact with our environment and those we share space with changes.  We operate from a higher plane of gratitude, enthusiasm and hope, and the ripples we send out gently build in momentum with every soul they touch.  This is truly how we will change the world.

And I learned that now, when someone gives me a gift and I find myself struggling with feelings of unworthiness, I can no longer allow those untruths to poison the atmosphere surrounding the exchange. I will not project. Instead, I will allow myself a moment of grace, and I will remember the anonymous soul who challenged me to acknowledge and accept my own beauty as seen through their eyes.  And rather than shrink from the light, I will simply say, “Thank you.  You and your gift are precious to me.”

---

Jennifer Merlich is a writer and an artist with a love of nature, drums, animals and big, bold, beautiful souls.  Her blog, WeWereWild.com, where this article originally appeared, is about the re-wilding of spirit, as we consciously choose our path and navigate back to our true north, charting the course with wisdom, courage, grace and joy.

Be The Change: Start your own experiments in giving this week! For inspiration, this site offers an abundance of stories and ideas.

http://wc4.net/t?ctl=7F52:684ED19FF2D88FA6E55BF9E22498C114&

Sourced From www.dailygood.org

A Soulful Poem ...

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge you’ll never walk alone.

People, even more than things have to be 

restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. 

Never throw out anybody.

Remember: if you ever need a helping hand, you’ll find one at the end of your arm. 

As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands. 

One for helping yourself, and one for helping others.

Words are but the vague shadows of the volumes we mean.  Little audible links, they are, chaining together great inaudible feelings and purposes. -- Theodore Dreiser

Two Words That Can Change a Life

--by Cheryl Rice, Oct 21, 2016

Is it possible that two words can change someone’s day, someone’s life? What if those same two words could change the world? Well, I’m on a quest to find out – and, with your help, this quest will be a success.

This quest inadvertently began last November in a grocery store.

I was standing in the checkout line behind a woman who looked to be in her 60s. When it was her turn to pay, the cashier greeted her by name and asked her how she was doing.

The woman looked down, shook her head and said, “Not so good. My husband just lost his job and my son is up to his old tricks again. The truth is, I don’t know how I’m going to get through the holidays.”

Then she gave the cashier food stamps.

My heart ached. I wanted to help but didn’t know how. Should I offer to pay for her groceries, ask for her husband’s resume? I did nothing – yet. And the woman left the store.

As I walked into the parking lot, I spotted the woman returning her shopping cart, and I remembered something in my purse that could help her in a different but hopefully profound way. It wasn’t a handful of cash or a lead on a job for her husband, but maybe – just maybe – it would make her life better.

My heart pounded as I approached the woman. 

“Excuse me,” I said, my voice trembling a bit. “I couldn’t help overhearing what you said to the cashier. It sounds like you’re going through a really hard time right now. I’m so sorry. I’d like to give you something.”

And I handed her a business-sized card.

When the woman read the card’s only two words, she began to cry. And through her tears, she said, “You have no idea how much this means to me.”

I was a little startled by her reply. Having never done anything like this before, I hadn’t anticipated the reaction I might receive. All I could think to respond was, “Oh my. Would it be OK to give you a hug?”

After we embraced, I walked back to my car -- and began to cry too.

The words on the card?

“You Matter.”

A few weeks earlier, a colleague gave me a similar card as encouragement for a project I was working on. When I read the card, I felt a warm glow spread inside of me. Deeply touched, I came home and ordered my own box of You Matter cards and started sharing them.

First, I gave them to family and close friends. Even if they weren’t in as dire straits as the woman at the grocery store, their faces lit up and often their eyes moistened when they read those two words.  

As I became bolder, I started giving the You Matter cards to people in my community who make my life richer – such as my dry cleaner and the man who sells me fruit at the farmer’s market. While the gesture didn’t always end in an actual hug, the words were a hug in themselves. The recipients were visibly moved. And I was too.

Then I became a bit mischievous. I began leaving cards in places where I couldn’t witness who received them. I tucked one inside the pages of a library book I was returning. I placed another one in the credit card slot at a gas pump.

At the time I met the woman in the grocery store, I was completing a certificate program in Applied Positive Psychology sponsored by the Flourishing Center. I learned the science behind happiness and well-being.

One of the forefathers in the field of positive psychology, Chris Peterson, said that the entire practice boils down to three words: “Other people matter.” 

Well, my experience in the grocery store confirmed that telling other people they matter also matters. 

People crave connection but feel more isolated than ever. Every one of us is here for a reason. We are all essential. We need, and are needed by, each other.

Always.

Especially now.

That simple encounter in the parking lot has become the You Matter Marathon. 

No running required!

The goal is to create and enrich positive connections between individuals and within communities by collectively sharing 10,000 You Matter cards during November, when the holiday season starts and too many people find too many reasons to feel they don’t matter.

Together, let’s make some magic.

If inspired, you can join the You Matter Marathon here and sign up to receive 30 You Matter cards at no charge! Each week in November, participants will receive an email with card sharing missions, inspiring quotes, and an opportunity to share experiences and connect with each other online.

---

Cheryl Rice is a professional speaker and coach and the author of Where Have I Been All My Life?. Her company, Your Voice Your Vision partners with women striving to be leaders in their own lives.   

Be The Change: Today, take time to share a few kind words with someone. You never know just how much they might need it.

Sourced From www.dailygood.org

There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love. -- Bryant McGill

Forgiving My Brother's Killer

--by Valarie Kaur, syndicated from pri.org, Oct 04, 2016

On September 15, at sunset in Arizona, a crowd gathered at the corner of a Chevron gas station called the Mesa Star. Like every year since 2002, Rana Sodhi hosted a memorial here for his brother, Balbir Singh Sodhi. Balbir was shot while planting flowers in front of his store on September 15, 2001 — four days after the 9/11 attacks.

On this night every year, the station is transformed into sacred space, where we listen to prayers, hold candles and place red roses on the cool marble where Balbir died. I took my seat on the ground next to his widow, family and neighbors on white sheets spread over the concrete, lit by the flood lights attached to the gas pumps behind us.

Sodhi was the first of dozens of people killed in hate crimes against Sikhs and Muslims after 9/11. His murder turned a generation of young people like me into activists. I made a film about Balbir’s murder and began a life helping communities organize against racism and violence. Over the years, these memorials blur together.

“It feels like nothing has changed,” Rana told me. The cycle of violence feels endless: an act of terrorism followed by a wave of hate violence, profiling, surveillance, detentions, deportations, bigoted rhetoric and use of force abroad. Then followed by another terrorist attack and more hate and violence.

So that night a little over a week ago, Rana and I did something that was previously unthinkable: We decided to call his brother’s murderer.

Frank Roque is in an Arizona prison a few miles from the Mesa Star, serving out a life sentence. We did not know anything about his mental state or whether he had any remorse for what he'd done. We only knew what came out in his trial.

On September 11, 2001, Roque told a waiter at Applebee’s: “I’m going to go out and shoot some towel heads,” and “We should kill their children, too, because they’ll grow up to be like their parents.”

Four days later, he drove up to the station where Balbir was planting crates of flowers in front of his store. Roque shot him five times in the back before continuing his shooting rampage at another gas station, where his bullet narrowly missed a Lebanese American clerk. He then drove to his previous home, which had been sold to an Arab family, and fired shots several times.

When police arrested him the next day, he yelled, “I am a patriot!” and “I stand for America!” He was sentenced to death — a sentence that was later reduced to life in prison. He told the court then that voices told him to “kill the devils.”

A few months later, Rana’s other older brother, Sukhpal, was shot and killed in a separate crime while driving his cab in San Francisco. Rana has been telling his brothers’ stories for the last 15 years. He has gone everywhere he can — school auditoriums, interfaith conferences and churches — calling on Americans to combat hate with love. Since 9/11, Sikh and Muslim American activists have amplified this message, made films, published books, marched in the street, filed lawsuits, created organizations, and launched justice campaigns. But 15 years of activism has not made our communities safer.

I asked Rana, “If you had a chance to talk to Frank Roque, in the spirit of reconciliation, would you?”

“Yes, I would,” he said.

So the morning after the memorial, we huddled together around my cell phone, and called Roque. It was the one thing we had not yet done. To test our own ability to love, even someone who hurt us. At first, I thought it was a disaster.

I introduced myself and Rana and asked Roque why he agreed to speak to us. He said he had always told the truth: that the 9/11 attacks broke him down as a man and resulted in a mental breakdown. He did not act out of his own free will, he repeated. He lost his job and wife and was sorry for “what happened.”

He spoke in passive voice, and all I could hear was a man who refused to take responsibility for murdering another person. When I pressed him, he said that he was sorry for what happened to Balbir, and that we must also be sorry for the thousands who died on 9/11.

I began to think that calling him was a mistake.

Then Rana, who had been listening, began to speak calmly: “Frank, I’m so thankful for what you say. This is the first time I’m hearing from you that you feel sorry.”

Rana told him that a few years ago, he recognized Roque’s daughter and wife at Costco while buying flowers for his brother’s memorial and invited them to dinner. Frank remembered his daughter telling him the story and was deeply moved that Rana showed compassion to his daughter. That’s when the conversation shifted and opened up.

“I want you to know from my heart, I’m sorry for what I did to your brother,” Frank said. “One day, when I go to heaven to be judged by God, I will ask to see your brother, and I will hug him, and I will ask him for forgiveness.”

“We already forgave you,” Rana replied. He had never wanted Roque put to death, because it foreclosed the possibility of remorse.

“If I had the power to take you out from prison, I would do it right now,” Rana said. “If one day you come out, we can both go to the world and tell the story.”

Roque responded, “I know I can’t give you back what I wish I could, which is your brother, but I hope you find some comfort in knowing that I’m very sorry for what happened to your brother and your whole family and his wife and everyone.”

They agreed to speak again.

At the end of the call, Rana sat in silence for a few minutes. He had spent so many years traveling the country with a message of love and compassion. But he had never before faced his brother’s murderer, heard remorse and forgiven him. We looked at each other, amazed.

And yet, we were also left unsatisfied.

True reconciliation requires accountability, and Roque insisted that he did not kill intentionally. He could not talk about the murder without also talking about the damage it caused him and his family.

There are many questions left: Why did Roque choose Balbir Sodhi? Does he grasp the full extent of the pain and grief he caused the Sodhi family and the Sikh community? Will forgiveness lead us toward justice?

While I heard both sides reaching for reconciliation, the moment itself eluded us. The meeting was not an end but a beginning: It opens the door to reconciliation, and a new chapter in our story.

The Sunday after the 2012 mass shooting in Oak Creek, Wisconsin, Sikhs prayed for the soul of the gunman. Last year, Christian families forgave Dylann Roof, who murdered their loved ones in a historic black church in Charleston. And this year, Rana offered forgiveness directly to the man who killed his brother.

In an era when our nation is gripped by cycles of violence, these stories may offer a way forward.  

On the night of Balbir’s memorial, a Navajo family spontaneously performed a water prayer. They poured water into the ground beneath a plant at the site of Balbir’s death, so that our prayers for revolutionary love would flow down into the soil, through the roots and spread all over the Earth.

Rana and I will continue to talk to Roque. And I hope we too will find truth and reconciliation that can spread around the world.

Valarie Kaur and Rana Sodhi will be sharing this story as part of the in the "Together Tour" in October in Los Angeles and Denver. Find out more here. And to learn more about "revolutionary love" and see Valarie's film, visit the Revolutionary Love Project.

---

This story originally appeared on PRI's The World. Each weekday, host Marco Werman and his team of producers bring you the world's most interesting stories in an hour of radio that reminds us just how small our planet really is. The World is heard on over 300 stations across North America.

Be The Change: What is an act of revolutionary love that you can do today?

Sourced From www.dailygood.org

Love Never Walks Alone ...

One Woman saw 3 saints in front of her house. And she was not knowing any of them.

Woman said –  “Kindly come inside and have food”

Saint replied – "Is your husband inside the house? ”

Woman – “No, he has gone out”

Saint –“Will come inside the house only when he has come”

In the evening the woman's husband comes home and she tells the complete story about the saints.

Husband – “Go and tell them I have come home and invite them inside the house.”

Woman went out and called the saints inside the house.

Saint said – “We all don’t go inside anyone’s house together. ”

“but why?” – Woman asked

One of the saint replied – “My name is wealth”

Then he pointed  to other saints and said – “these two saints names are prosperity and love. Only one of us can come inside your house! “

"You go in and discuss with your family and decide which saint you want to invite ”

Woman went inside and told all this to her husband.

Her husband became too excited

And said –“If this is the matter then let us invite wealth! our house will be filled with happiness”

Wife – “I feel we should invite prosperity”

Their daughter was in the next room , she was listening to all this discussions.  She came close to them and said –

“I feel we should invite love. Beside love nothing is important”

“You are  right, we should invite love only” – her parents agreed.

Woman went out and asked saints – “Between you all who is love please come inside the house”

Love started walking towards the house! 

Other two saints started following love.

The surprised Woman asked the saints – “I only invited love then why you two are coming inside the house?”

One of the saint replied – “If you had invited prosperity or wealth, then only that particular saint would have entered your house.

But you have invited love!

Love never walks alone, Where ever  love is, there is always prosperity and wealth. They all go hand in hand.

Khoobsurti ...

🌹: खू्बसूरती :🌹

हर किसी को अपनी खूबसूरती पर घमण्ड होता है | मै आज आपको खूबसूरती की परिभाषा बताता हूँ

🌹खूबसूरत है..... ....वो लब जिन पर, दूसरों के लिए कोई दुआ आ जाए !!

🌹खूबसूरत है ............वो दिल जो ,  किसी के दुख मे शामिल हो जाए !!

🌹खूबसूरत है.......... वो जज़बात जो, दूसरो की भावनाओं को समझ जाए !!

🌹खूबसूरत है........ वो एहसास जिस मे, प्यार की मिठास हो जाए !!

🌹खूबसूरत है............. वो बातें जिनमे, शामिल हों दोस्ती और प्यार की किस्से कहानियाँ !!

🌹खूबसूरत है.......... वो आँखे जिनमे, किसी के खूबसूरत ख्वाब समा जाए !!

🌹खूबसूरत है .........वो हाथ जो किसी के लिए .मुश्किल के वक्त सहारा बन जाए !!

🌹खूबसूरत है..........वो सोच जिस मैं, किसी कि सारी...... ख़ुशी छुप जाए !

🌹खूबसूरत है............. .... वो दामन जो, दुनिया से किसी के गमो को छुपा जाए !

🌹खूबसूरत है.......वो आसूँ जो, किसी और के गम मे बह जाए !!

Friendly Gestures

17 Friendly Gestures That Create Good Karma

When we create good karma in our lives today, we create more happiness and fulfilment for our futures tomorrow.

Karma is a universal law that affects everyone, all of the time.  It is the consequence of our actions.  Karma brings back to us what we are putting out into the universe, be it love, hate, humor, sadness, stress, excitement or anything else we chose to project.

Like the ripples in a pond that radiate out from a pebble dropping into the water, karma pulses out after each of our actions and choices, and it affects the future unfolding in front of us.

Offering kindness to others is a wonderful way to bring happiness to others, and it is also a way to create good karma in our own lives.  When we put kindness and love out into the world, the after-effects of these choices bring more kindness and love into tomorrow’s reality.  For this reason, offering a friendly gesture to another person is an action that is always worth the effort!

Here are a few friendly gestures that create good karma.  How many of these actions are a part of your daily routine?

1. Smile at people throughout the day.

2. Be patient with others.

3. Give a hug to someone you care about.

4. Pat someone on the back.

5. Offer a handshake.

6. Open a door for someone else.

7. Let a car in ahead of you while in traffic.

8. Use the words “please” and “thank you” habitually.

9. Share your knowledge and skills with others.

10. Be interested in what others have to say (ask questions, listen, etc).

11. Own up to any mistakes you make, and offer genuine apologies.

12. Give compliments freely.

13. Stop to ask someone “are you ok?” when they look distressed.

14. Help someone who looks lost or overwhelmed.

15. Stick up for someone who’s being made fun of or treated poorly.

16. Forgive people for their mistakes.

17. Focus on the good in others.

Which of these friendly gestures do you use the most in your day-to-day life?  Are there any other friendly gestures you would recommend for building good karma?  

Buried Treasure: The Story Of A Marriage

You cannot transform yourself, and you certainly cannot transform your partner or anybody else. All you can do is create a space for transformation to happen, for grace and love to enter. --Eckart Tolle

Buried Treasure: The Story of a Marriage

--by Carolyn North, syndicated from carolynnorthbooks.com, Sep 14, 2016

Last night I saw a swashbuckling production of TREASURE ISLAND, that wild tale of adventure on the high seas and mayhem on tropical islands with buried treasure, and good guys and bad guys mixing it up with every mishap in the world you could imagine.

It reminded me a bit of my marriage.

It has been a year and a half since Herb died, and all the ups and down, triumphs and tragedies of our long life together are peeling off me one by one, as I remember and let go, releasing him bit by bit as I grieve and heal from the loss of the half-century journey we took together. It feels like removing petals from a daisy, or an artichoke one by one down to the heart, where, surrounded by yet one more protective choke of thistle, lies the delicious heart that distills the taste of the whole plant.

So, I’m there and almost ready to take that last bite of the heart of the fruit.

Like most marriages, I guess, we were a mixed bag of personality differences, varied preferences, unexamined childhood traumas, weaknesses and strengths, hopes and passions. I think he and I partnered each other with as much love and courage as we could, making every mistake in the book on a daily basis but trying to learn from them and carry on. We, with our children, were a brave but merry little band most of the time, and laughter graced our dinner table nightly. (With dinner in our bellies, we were a fabulously witty bunch!) 

Though I wish I had done many things differently over the years, and known then what I know now, I have no real regrets.

However, all that is water under the bridge, as they say – washed away into past history with my tears and memories and stories – and what is left is the deeper essence that, I believe, brought us together in the first place.

I think of our marriage, now, as mythic. 

Herb, the budding scientist, serious and smart, wounded from the Holocaust in childhood and determined to succeed in his new world, and Carolyn, the mystical, impractical artist-type with a crazy Russian family and a tender heart. It was as if we had found each other across space and time, speaking different languages but determined to try understanding one another anyhow.

It is that that I contemplate now as I look back over the years at who we were and what we accomplished, and I realize it was a big piece of mutual soul work we were doing.  We were attempting to complete ourselves with one another, to find a common frame that combined the rational and the intuitive, suspecting that a true understanding of the world included both. 

We knew that we both wished for a Wholeness we could not attain on our own, and we both wished to do it with love.

Of course there were times when, frustrated down to my bones and thinking he would never get it, I was ready to pack a bag and leave. (Herb claimed he never once thought to leave.) But then I would simmer down, realizing that if he and I – two people who loved each other - couldn’t find a way of communicating what we saw without fighting over it, then how could we expect the rest of the world to do so? We were not just ‘us,’ we were also representatives of our two mindsets, with a responsibility to make this experiment work.

Slowly, over the years, we both softened our stances to make room for the other’s reality, feeling for, and finding the places where our perceptions could resonate with the other’s frame of reference.

I learned to listen closely, and shift my mind into hard ‘facts’ lined up in a logical argument, recognizing the clarity and beauty of keeping things simple, and he cautiously spread his perceptions into my more amorphous direction, writing poetry and feeling his way towards unexpected synchronicities. 

His joke was that as a scientist at the University he was considered a radical amongst his colleagues, but when he came home he was the conservative in the family. He called me a witch when magic happened around me, but learned to admire whatever it was that made magic happen; I, of course, depended upon his expertise to keep everything running, from the finances to the plumbing. 

We were a team – a damn good team with a good long run. 

But it went deeper than that – quite a bit deeper – and that is what I am contemplating now. What, I believe, we all need to be contemplating in one way or another.

It has to do with letting go of the arguments, of having to be ‘right’ about everything while making other points of view ‘wrong.’ It’s about listening for where varied wisdoms touch, even when the language is different.

 It’s about letting go of either/or thinking and finding the pathways towards both/and understandings. 

And doing so calmly, with love.

On Herb’s last night I sat with him while he slept, his breathing slowing, his face calm and inward looking. We had said everything we needed to say to each other in this life, we had maintained our friendship and humor even through the worst of his last few weeks – doing every last moment together, no matter what. 

I was beyond exhaustion, and he was ready to go.

Alone in the room with him when he breathed his last breath, I was quite surprised to hear myself exclaim out loud,

“We did it!”

And knew I was referring to all 58 years of our marriage.

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This article is reprinted with permission. Carolyn North writes about Consciousness Change, about storytelling as a kickstarter to creativity. Her forms are autobiographical stories, mythology retellings, and how-to books. Learn more at her website. 

Be The Change: Reflect on a close relationship in your life, and what treasures of wisdom and transformation are buried beneath its surface.

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