7
Things Really Persuasive People Do BY KEVIN DAUM
Sometimes
you absolutely have to make your point. Here are 7 tips on how to do it
effectively with style and grace.
While
many people don't like to sell, most find themselves having to persuade someone
at some point. Persuasion is not just for salespeople and their prospects. You
may try to persuade an employee to perform
better, or perhaps you want to persuade your boss to take on
your brilliant idea. Often the most effective persuaders are your kids. Somehow
they come by it naturally while you, the adult, has to work hard to find the persuasive path to
success.
Whatever your persuasive need, here
are 7 things that the most persuasive people consistently
do:
1.
They Are Purposeful
Truly persuasive people understand
their power and use it sparingly and knowingly. They understand that most
conversations do not require trying to get someone to do or accept something.
Aggressive pushers are a turn-off and will put most people on the defensive.
It's the person who rarely asks or argues that ultimately gets consideration
when they strongly advocate an idea, especially when they do it with power and
persistence. Simply put, they pick their battles. Want to persuade more? Argue
and advocate less often.
2.
They Listen ... and Listen ... Then Listen Some More
People who know how to persuade
also know that just pushing your own argument will get you nowhere. They
certainly are able to articulate their position in a convincing way, but that is
only half the equation. They are actively listening when in persuasion mode.
First, they are listening to assess how receptive you are to their point of
view. Second, they are listening for your specific objections, which they know
they'll have to resolve. Last, they are listening for moments of agreement so
they can capitalize on
consensus. Amazingly persuasive people are constantly listening to
you and not themselves. They already know what they are saying. You can't
persuade effectively if you don't know the other side of the
argument.
3.
They Create a Connection
It's easy to dismiss people who are
trying to persuade you if you have no emotional stake in them or their argument.
Really persuasive people know this, so they will be likeable and look for
common ground to help establish emotional bonds and shared objectives. They show empathy for
your position and make it known that they are on your side. They manage their
impatience and wait for you to give them permission to advocate their approach.
You'll persuade people much more easily if they are open and aligned with your
desires.
4.
They Acknowledge Credibility
Really persuasive people understand
that there is no sense wasting time arguing facts. Most of the world does not
function in black and white. They value strong opinions and will make sure that
you are entitled to yours. In fact, they will make sure they give you full
credit for every argument of yours that has some validity. This makes it harder
for you to fully dismiss their point of view. When you are persuading people,
reinforce their credibility on facts and opinions rather than dismissing them
outright. Then they'll be more likely to pay you equal
respect in the exchange and be more open to the merits of your
opposing view.
5.
They Offer Satisfaction
Smart persuaders know
that they don't have to win every little battle to win the war. They are more
than willing to sacrifice when it helps the overall cause. They are ready to
find the easiest path to yes. Often that is simply to give you what you want
whenever possible. In my old lending days, we would often deal with busy
underwriters who asked for items we knew they already had. Instead of arguing
the point, we would just resend the documents and save our energy for issues
that were not so easily resolved. Give ground where you can and hold your ground
only where it matters. Choose being successful over
being right.
6.
They Know When to Shut Up
Successful persuaders get that you
don't win the battle by constantly berating people with an unending verbal
barrage. Wearing people down is not an effective strategy. They carefully
support their arguments and check in with questions that will help to close the
conversation. Then they step back. The great sales trainer Tom Hopkins still today
teaches these decades-old techniques of his mentor J. Douglas Edwards. His most
important lesson is "Whenever you ask a closing question, shut up. The first
person who speaks, loses."
7.
They Know When to Back Away
Urgency and immediacy are often the
enemies of real persuasion. It's possible to close a less significant sale
through urgency, but deep ideas require time and
thought to take root. Great persuaders bring you along in your own
time. And they give you the space and time to carefully consider their position.
They know that nothing is more powerful than your persuading yourself on their
behalf. That almost never occurs in the presence of the persuader. The next time
you want to persuade someone of something truly important, follow the tips
above, make your case, and walk away. If they don't come around, you were
probably wasting your effort in the first place.
