Are You Afraid To Say
Who You Are? By Janina Gomes.
If there ever was a
definition of self or Self that would fit us, we would be encumbered beings. In
life, we keep creating new self images and what we project to others about
ourselves. But in doing so, we often hide more than we reveal. Deep down there
is a fear that if we really show ourselves as we are, we will not be accepted;
we might not win the approval of others.
There is always the
possibility that those who do not wish to grow themselves -- and hence will not
allow others to grow -- will not accept us. If we are manipulated by such
people, in the name of easy affection or emotional equilibrium, we may not be
prepared to speak our mind or reveal our true selves.
The enlightened are
able to transcend the expectations of others. Expectations can be in the nature
of demands made on us. These expectations that can arise from past conditioning,
may lead those who look down on us and treat us unfairly, to treat us without
respect for our human dignity. Is it then our duty to be meeting the unrealistic
expectations of others?
When we sometimes put
our foot down, it is a way of saying: “Listen, this is the real me. That is the
reason why I am responding to you by saying no. I cannot meet the demands you
are making on me without compromising something that is essential to my
being.”
Unfortunately, many
take a short cut. They compromise because it means less trouble all around. They
do not want to provoke others, so that they seem to be fitting into society very
comfortably.
Those who want to
safeguard their integrity however, are able to draw the line. It is a way of
saying: “I am different, with my own abilities, ideals, wants and needs. I need
your support, but I do not want to depend on it entirely. I feel free to choose
my own way of life.” Friendship is after all based on reciprocity, which means
that we both act and respond from the real selves we are.
If I am afraid to say
who I really am, people will never know the real me. There may be many truths
about us that are unflattering. To allow others to see this could of course mean
that we are allowing others to see our weaknesses. Yes, some may exploit us
because of these. On the other hand, when we say who we really are, we invite
the other to do the same. That prepares the way for meaningful interaction,
resulting in bonding, and true and deep relationships that are long term. We
enter into exchange with others spontaneously and creatively. There is little
room left for stereotyping.
Exercising caution is
good and necessary. We will slowly learn to maintain our emotional equilibrium
despite circumstances. Like our bodies and skins adapt to temperature changes,
our minds, hearts and emotions will find an even keel that keeps us
anchored.
In our relationship
with God, the basic question is: “Who am I in the eyes of God?” I am after all,
his precious creation, fashioned and designed to be nothing and nobody else but
me. When others are judgemental, unforgiving and unkind, God is still smiling on
me. If God is for us, who can be against us? Therefore, go ahead, tell the whole
world who you really are.
