Compassion and the
Individual by Dalai Lama
The
purpose of life is to be happy. From the moment of birth, every human being
wants happiness and does not want suffering. Neither social conditioning nor
education nor even ideology affect this. From the very core of our being, we
simply desire contentment. I don’t know whether the universe, with its countless
galaxies, stars and planets, has a deeper meaning or not, but at the very least,
it is clear that we humans, who live on this earth, face the task of making a
happy life for ourselves. Therefore, it is important to discover what will bring
about the greatest degree of happiness….
From
my own limited experience, I have found that the greatest degree of inner
tranquility comes from the development of love and compassion. Nowadays, many
children grow up in unhappy homes. If they do not receive proper affection, in
later life, they will rarely love their parents and, not infrequently, will find
it hard to love others. This is very sad.
As
children grow older and enter school, their need for support must be met by
their teachers. If a teacher not only imparts academic education but also
assumes responsibility for preparing students for life, his pupils will feel
trust and respect and what has been taught will leave an indelible impression on
their minds. On the other hand, subjects taught by a teacher who does not show
true concern for his students’ overall well-being will be regarded as temporary
and not retained for long.
Empathy
Heals
Similarly,
if one is sick and being treated in hospital by a doctor who evinces a warm
human feeling, one feels at ease and the doctors’ desire to give the best
possible care is itself curative, irrespective of the degree of his technical
skill. On the other hand, if one’s doctor lacks human feeling and displays an
unfriendly expression, impatience or casual disregard, one will feel anxious,
even if he is the most highly qualified doctor and the disease has been
correctly diagnosed and the right medication prescribed. Inevitably, patients’
feelings make a difference to the quality and completeness of their
recovery.
Even
when we engage in ordinary conversation in everyday life, if someone speaks with
human feeling, we enjoy listening, and respond accordingly; the whole
conversation becomes interesting, however unimportant the topic may be. On the
other hand, if a person speaks coldly or harshly, we feel uneasy and wish for a
quick end to the interaction. From the least to the most important event, the
affection and respect of others are vital for our
happiness.
One
thing seems clear to me: whether or not we are consciously aware of it, from the
day we are born, the need for human affection is in our very blood. Even if the
affection comes from an animal or someone we would normally consider an enemy,
both children and adults will naturally gravitate towards
it.
I
believe that no one is born free from the need for love. And this demonstrates
that although some modern schools of thought seek to do so, human beings cannot
be defined as solely physical. No material object, however beautiful or
valuable, can make us feel loved, because our deeper identity and true character
lie in the subjective nature of the mind.
Some
of my friends have told me that, while love and compassion are marvellous and
good, they are not really very relevant. Our world, they say, is not a place
where such beliefs have much influence or power. They claim that anger and
hatred are so much a part of human nature that humanity will always be dominated
by them. I do not agree.
We
humans have existed in our present form for about a hundred-thousand years. I
believe that if during this time the human mind had been primarily controlled by
anger and hatred, our overall population would have decreased. But today,
despite all our wars, we find that the human population is greater than ever.
This clearly indicates to me that love and compassion predominate in the world.
And this is why unpleasant events are news; compassionate activities are so much
part of daily life that they are taken for granted and, therefore, largely
ignored.
Positive
Transformation
So
far, I have been discussing mainly the mental benefits of compassion, but it
contributes to good physical health as well. According to my personal
experience, mental stability and physical well-being are directly related.
Without question, anger and agitation make us more susceptible to illness. On
the other hand, if the mind is tranquil and occupied with positive thoughts, the
body will not easily fall prey to disease.
But
of course it is also true that we all have an innate self-centredness
that
inhibits our love for others. So, since we desire the true happiness that is
brought about by only a calm mind, and since such peace of mind is brought about
by only a compassionate attitude, how can we develop this? Obviously, it is not
enough for us simply to think about how nice compassion is! We need to make a
concerted effort to develop it; we must use all the events of our daily life to
transform our thoughts and behaviour.
First
of all, we must be clear about what we mean by compassion. Many forms of
compassionate feelings are mixed with desires and attachments. For instance, the
love parents feel for their child is often strongly associated with their own
emotional needs, so it is not fully compassionate. Again, in marriage, the love
between husband and wife — particularly at the beginning, when each partner
still may not know the other’s deeper character very well — depends more on
attachment than genuine love.
Our
desire can be so strong that the person to whom we are attached appears to be
good, when in fact he is very negative. In addition, we have a tendency to
exaggerate small positive qualities. Thus when one partner’s attitude changes,
the other partner is often disappointed and his attitude changes too. This is an
indication that love has been motivated more by personal need than by genuine
care for others….
