Founder
and CTO at HubSpot
9
Qualities Of Truly Confident People
First
things first: Confidence is not bravado, or swagger, or an overt pretense of
bravery. Confidence is not some bold or brash air of self-belief directed at
others.
Confidence
is quiet:
It’s a natural expression of ability, expertise, and
self-regard.
I’m
fortunate to know a number of truly confident people. Many work with me at HubSpot
,
others are fellow founders of their own startups some of whom I've met through
my angel
investment activity. But the majority are people I’ve met through my
career and who work in a variety of industries and
professions.
It
comes as no surprise they all share a number of qualities:
1.
They take a stand not because they think they are always right… but because they
are not afraid to be wrong.
Cocky
and conceited people tend to take a position and then proclaim, bluster, and
totally disregard differing opinions or points of view. They know they’re right – and they want (actually they need)
you to know it too.
Their
behavior isn’t a sign of confidence, though; it’s the hallmark of an
intellectual bully.
Truly
confident people don’t mind being proven wrong. They feel finding
out what is right is a lot more important than being right.
And when they’re wrong, they’re secure enough to back down
graciously.
Truly
confident people often admit they’re wrong or don’t have all the answers;
intellectual bullies never do.
2.
They listen ten times more than they speak.
Bragging
is a mask for insecurity. Truly confident people are quiet and unassuming. They
already know what they think; they want to know what you think.
So
they ask open-ended questions that give other people the freedom to be
thoughtful and introspective: They ask what you do, how you do it, what you like
about it, what you learned from it… and what they should do if they find
themselves in a similar situation.
Truly
confident people realize they know a lot, but they wish they knew more… and they
know the only way to learn more is to listen more.
3.
They duck the spotlight so it shines on others.
Perhaps
it’s true they did the bulk of the work. Perhaps they really did overcome the
major obstacles. Perhaps it’s true they turned a collection of disparate
individuals into an incredibly high performance team.
Truly
confident people don’t care – at least they don’t show it. (Inside they’re
proud, as well they should be.) Truly confident people don’t need the glory;
they know what they’ve achieved.
They
don’t need the validation of others, because true validation comes from
within.
So
they stand back and celebrate their accomplishments through others. They stand
back and let others shine – a confidence boost that helps those people become
truly confident, too.
4.
They freely ask for help.
Many
people feel asking for help is a sign of weakness; implicit in the request is a
lack of knowledge, skill, or experience.
Confident
people are secure enough to admit a weakness. So they often ask others for help,
not only because they are secure enough to admit they need help but also because
they know that when they seek help they pay the person they ask a huge
compliment.
Saying,
“Can you help me?” shows tremendous respect for that individual’s expertise and
judgment. Otherwise you wouldn't ask.
5.
They think, “Why not me?”
Many
people feel they have to wait: To be promoted, to be hired, to be selected, to
be chosen... like the old Hollywood cliché, to somehow be
discovered.
Truly
confident people know that access is almost universal. They can connect with
almost anyone through social media. (Everyone you know knows someone you should
know.) They know they can attract their own funding, create their own products,
build their own relationships and networks, choose their own path – they can
choose to follow whatever course they wish.
And
very quietly, without calling attention to themselves, they go out and do
it.
6.
They don't put down other people.
Generally
speaking, the people who like to gossip, who like to speak badly of others, do
so because they hope by comparison to make themselves look
better.
The
only comparison a truly confident person makes is to the person she was
yesterday – and to the person she hopes to someday become.
7.
They aren’t afraid to look silly…
Running
around in your underwear is
certainly taking it to extremes… but when you’re truly confident, you don’t mind
occasionally being in a situation where you aren't at your
best.
(And
oddly enough, people tend to respect you more when you do – not
less.)
8.
… And they own their mistakes.
Insecurity
tends to breed artificiality; confidence breeds sincerity and
honesty.
That’s
why truly confident people admit their mistakes. They dine out on their
screw-ups. They don’t mind serving as a cautionary tale. They don’t mind being a
source of laughter – for others and for themselves.
When
you’re truly confident, you don’t mind occasionally “looking bad.” You realize
that that when you’re genuine and unpretentious, people don’t laugh at you.
They
laugh with you.
9.
They only seek approval from the people who really matter.
You
say you have 10k Twitter followers? Swell. 20k Facebook friends? Cool. A
professional and social network of hundreds or even thousands? That’s
great.
But
that also pales in comparison to earning the trust and respect of the few people
in your life that truly matter.
When
we earn their trust and respect, no matter where we go or what we try, we do it
with true confidence – because we know the people who truly matter the most are
truly behind us.
