You can search throughout the entire universe
for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are
yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. --The
Buddha
The Relationship Between Self-Compassion & Procrastination
--by Linda Graham, syndicated from Greater Good, Oct 09, 2014
Putting
something off can trigger a downward negative spiral. But a recent study
suggests that being kind to yourself can help you achieve your goals.
Why
do we procrastinate?
Often
because we fear failing at the task and dread all the negative self-evaluations
that might result from that failure. Unconsciously, feeling okay about one’s
self becomes more important than achieving the goal.
But
the procrastination, of course, triggers other negative feelings about
ourselves—recriminations and ruminations for “failing” to take action.
In
20 years of providing psychotherapy, I’ve witnessed so many times how paralysis
in the face of a task or problem can lead to escalating levels of self-criticism
and self-depreciation, a self-perpetuating downward negative spiral.
Most
procrastination-fighting techniques focus on ways to change a person’s behavior:
just get started, take action, any kind of action. But a recent study suggests a
different approach: being kind to yourself.
Low
self-compassion, high stress
Fuschia
M. Sirois of Bishop’s University in Canada examined whether
self-compassion—kindness and understanding toward one’s self in response to pain
or failure—could be related to procrastination and the stress and suffering that
procrastination causes.
The
study, recently published in Self
and Identity, asked more than 750 participants to complete a questionnaire
measuring levels of self-compassion and its components: extending kindness
toward oneself in response to a mistake rather than judging oneself harshly,
recognizing that one shares the struggles with procrastination with many other
people rather than feeling isolated or the only one, seeing clearly the big
picture about one’s predicament rather than over-identifying with negative
self-evaluations. The participants also reported their levels of procrastination
and stress.
Sirois
found that people prone to procrastination had lower levels of self-compassion and higher levels of stress. Further
analysis revealed that procrastination might increase levels of
stress—particularly among people low in self-compassion.
In
fact, her results suggest that self-compassion may play an important role in
explaining why procrastination can generate so much stress for people: “Negative
self-judgements and feeling isolated by one’s procrastinating can be a stressful
experience,” she writes, “that compromises the well-being of those who
chronically procrastinate.”
Sirois
suggests that interventions that focus on increasing self-compassion may be
particularly beneficial for reducing the stress associated with procrastination
because self-compassion allows a person to recognize the downsides of
procrastination without entangling themselves in negative emotions, negative
ruminations, and a negative relationship to themselves. People maintain an inner
sense of well-being that allows them to risk failure and take action.
“Self-compassion
is an adaptive practice that may…provide a buffer against negative reactions to
self-relevant events,” writes Sirois. The implication is that by interrupting
the loop between negative self-talk and procrastination, self-compassion may
help us avoid the stress associated with procrastination, extricate ourselves
from that downward spiral, and help us change our behavior for the better.
Interestingly,
her study found that students tend to procrastinate more than adults, possibly
because they seem less able to regulate their negative emotions and negative
self-evaluations.
Sirois’
study doesn’t prove that a lack of self-compassion directly causes
procrastination or that low self-compassion is what causes procrastination to be
so stressful. While her study reveals significant links, further research needs
to be done on the connections between self-compassion, procrastination, and
stress. Sirois’ study is actually the first study even to examine the role of
self-compassion in the procrastination-stress equation.
In
a related
study, other researchers found that people who could be more self-forgiving
about failures experienced less procrastination later. Sirois argues that
because self-compassion is a more global stance towards one’s failures than
forgiveness for a single act, it may be even more helpful in treating
procrastination.
Five
steps to self-compassion
“The
curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” -
Carl Rogers
Sirois’s
findings resonate with strategies I’ve tried to offer clients in my
psychotherapy practice.
I
teach clients to take a self-compassion break any time they seem thrown or
derailed by pain or failure, whether caused by their own personal failure or by
forces beyond their control. Based on exercises in Kristin Neff’s book Self-Compassion,
the self-compassion break allows a person to develop the understanding that
self-judgement (and avoiding the actions that might trigger self-judgement) is a
very human response to very human experiences.
I
suggest that clients take a self-compassion break many times a day so that it
becomes an automatic positive resource when they first encounter the automatic
negative thoughts and states of mind that procrastination can trigger.
Here
is how I break down this advice into five steps.
1. Several times a day, stop whatever you’re
doing and ask yourself, “What am I experiencing in this moment, right now? Is
there any negative self-talk, self-blame, self-shame going on here?
2. Rather than continuing any negative
self-talk or trying to fix things to stop the negative self-talk, simply pause,
put your hand on your heart or your cheek, and say to yourself, “Oh,
sweetheart!” or “Hey, my good man!” This simple gesture of self-kindness,
self-care and concern activates your own care giving system (rather than the
ever-present self-judging system of the inner critic) which begins to relax the
grip of the negative and open your mind and heart again to self-acceptance, and
then to choices and possibilities.
3. Be kind to yourself if the intention to
begin a self-compassion exercise like this triggers more self-judgement and
procrastination. You can say to yourself, “May I feel safe in this moment. May I
be free of fear, stress, anxiety. May I accept myself just as I am, right here,
right now. May I know I can be skillful here.”
4. Then drop into a moment of calm, holding
yourself and your experience, whatever it is, with self-awareness and
self-acceptance, breathing in a sense of soothing, comfort, and inner
peacefulness.
5. Then choose to do something that will help
you feel a sense of movement in a good direction. It doesn’t necessarily have to
be about the task or project you may be procrastinating about. Re-direct your
attention to something pleasant, nourishing, rewarding, meaningful; take a few
moments to do express gratitude for some source of goodness in your life before
resuming your tasks of the day; talk things over with a good friend or friendly
colleague; notice that you are creating more ease and better coping around
whatever you choose to do next.
Video - Mindfulness and Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff:
This
article is printed here with permission from the Greater Good Science Center (GGSC). Based at UC Berkeley, the GGSC
studies the psychology, sociology, and neuroscience of well-being, and teaches
skills that foster a thriving, resilient, and compassionate society. You can
learn more about the science and power of gratitude at the Greater
Good Gratitude Summit.
Be The Change: After finishing this article,
take a moment to close your eyes and say something kind to yourself. You're
great!
Sourced from www.dailygood.org
Sourced from www.dailygood.org
