Transform
Suffering Into Peace by Rajiv Vij
Most
of us do experience life as suffering. In situations related to a
significant loss – of a loved one, a precious relationship, or a job – our
suffering seems irreparable. However, suffering and peace are two sides of the
same coin; a thin line separates the two. With greater awareness,
understanding, and compassion, it is indeed possible to transform our agony into
solace; our restlessness into stillness; and our adversity into a
blessing.
The
biggest cause of suffering is our attachments. Disappointment with setbacks at
work is a result of our attachment to the expectations of specific material
gains from our efforts; anxiety about our children’s future is an outcome of our
attachment with an idealised version of ourselves that we wish our children to
grow up into; fear of illness emanates from our attachment to our physical
body.
Here
are three keys to transforming suffering into peace. It starts with realising
that happiness is a conscious choice. While bouts of
suffering can be paralysing, we always have the choice within us to transform
it, based on how we respond to it. Vietnamese monk Thích Nhất Hạnh says, “The
seed of suffering in you may be strong, but don't wait until you have no more
suffering before allowing yourself to be happy.”
A
job loss can be perceived as a significant personal failure or we can relate to
it as an integral part of work life and an opportunity to reflect, retool, and
engage in something more meaningful. Research suggests that most people regain
their original level of happiness after one year of job loss (people report
similar results after one year of losing a loved one); eventually, many even
regard the job loss to be the best thing that ever happened to them.
Secondly,
developing higher awareness offers a gateway to this transformation. For a
four-year old child, the incident of one of her toys breaking is woeful; while a
seventeen-year old recognises that it’s just a toy and very replaceable. For
that seventeen-year old, however, falling out of favour with his girlfriend can
be devastating – while parents can clearly relate to it as just a passing
phase.
As
we grow in our level of consciousness and overcome our ignorant beliefs, we can
relate to the same events from a higher ground and find greater peace. Higher
awareness of our spiritual being aids us in dealing with our physical
suffering; grasping the meaning of death facilitates living a meaningful life; and
understanding the laws of nature helps us not take every untoward event
personally. Every setback then is not a new source of suffering, but merely a
reminder of the lessons we need to learn in our eternal journey of
evolution.
Finally,
cultivating compassion dulls the sharpness of the painful experience. Such
compassion necessitates being less judgemental, more empathetic, more forgiving,
and less of a perfectionist. If we can avoid judging ourselves and instead learn
to be more accepting of ourselves as we are, we feel less anxious; being
compassionate towards others, and empathising with their unique context, reduces
our level of frustration, blame, and anger.
Sufi
mystic Rumi said, “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” Instead
of perceiving ourselves and others as imperfect, relating to everyone as unique
creations of a perfect universe allows us to be more at peace with our reality.
Further, choosing to help others who may be suffering from similar circumstances
supports this inner transformation. The
writer is a life coach and the author of ‘Discovering Your Sweet
Spot’
