Wednesday, 27 May 2015

Eulogy Versus Resume (Biodata) Virtues

Eulogy Versus Resume (Biodata) Virtues - David Brooks
 
About once a month I run across a person who radiates an inner light. These people can be in any walk of life. They seem deeply good. They listen well. They make you feel funny and valued. You often catch them looking after other people and as they do so their laugh is musical and their manner is infused with gratitude. They are not thinking about what wonderful work they are doing. They are not thinking about themselves at all.
 
When I meet such a person it brightens my whole day. But I confess I often have a sadder thought: It occurs to me that I’ve achieved a decent level of career success, but I have not achieved that. I have not achieved that generosity of spirit, or that depth of character.
 
A few years ago I realized that I wanted to be a bit more like those people. I realized that if I wanted to do that I was going to have to work harder to save my own soul. I was going to have to have the sort of moral adventures that produce that kind of goodness. I was going to have to be better at balancing my life.
 
It occurred to me that there were two sets of virtues, the résumé virtues and the eulogy virtues. The résumé virtues are the skills you bring to the marketplace. The eulogy virtues are the ones that are talked about at your funeral — whether you were kind, brave, honest or faithful. Were you capable of deep love?
 
We all know that the eulogy virtues are more important than the résumé ones. But our culture and our educational systems spend more time teaching the skills and strategies you need for career success than the qualities you need to radiate that sort of inner light. Many of us are clearer on how to build an external career than on how to build inner character.
 
But if you live for external achievement, years pass and the deepest parts of you go unexplored and unstructured. You lack a moral vocabulary. It is easy to slip into a self-satisfied moral mediocrity. You grade yourself on a forgiving curve. You figure as long as you are not obviously hurting anybody and people seem to like you, you must be O.K. But you live with an unconscious boredom, separated from the deepest meaning of life and the highest moral joys. Gradually, a humiliating gap opens between your actual self and your desired self, between you and those incandescent souls you sometimes meet.

About the Author: David Brooks is a columnist from NY Times. The above excerpt is from his article The Moral Bucket List.

Friday, 22 May 2015

I've Learned

I've learned--
that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when
you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.
I've learned--
that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be
angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I've learned--
that true friendship continues to grow, even over
the longest distance. The same goes for true love.
I've learned--
that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want
them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned--
that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences
you've had and what you've learned from them and less
to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I've learned--
that your family won't always be there for you. It may seem funny,
but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you
and teach you to trust people again. Families aren't biological.
I've learned--
that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you
every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I've learned--
that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I've learned--
that no matter how bad your heart is broken
the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned--
that our background and circumstances may have influenced
who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I've learned--
that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean
they don't love each other. And just because they don't
argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I've learned--
that we don't have to change friends if
we understand that friends change.
I've learned--
that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret.
It could change your life forever.
I've learned--
that two people can look at the exact same
thing and see something totally different.
I've learned--
that your life can be changed in a matter
of hours by people who don't even know you.
I've learned--
that even when you think you have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
I've learned--
that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
~ Positive Thoughts

Some picture quotes ... 0109







Thursday, 21 May 2015

Mistake Of Immense Proportion

Mistake of Immense Proportion - Jacob Needleman

Since the beginning of recorded history, man has been haunted by the intimation that he lives in a world of mere appearances. In every teaching and spiritual philosophy of the past we find the idea that whatever happens to us, for good or ill, is brought about by deeper forces behind the world that seems so real to us. We are further told that this real world is not accessible to the senses or understandable by the ordinary mind.

But, and this is a point that is not usually understood, we live in a world of inner appearances as well. We are not what we perceive ourselves to be. There is another identity, our real self, hidden behind the self that we believe ourselves to be.

It is only through awakening to this deeper self within that we can penetrate behind the veil of appearances and make contact with a truer world outside of ourselves. It is because we live on the surface of ourselves that we live on the surface of the greater world, never participating—except in rare moments which do not last and which are not understood—in the wholeness of reality.

It is this all-important second aspect of the ancient wisdom, the aspect that speaks of our inner world, that modern thought has been blind to. And the question about the meaning of life is inextricably linked to the need for contact with the real self beneath the surface of our everyday thoughts, emotions, and sensations.

Without this contact, the external world of appearances assumes for us the proportions of an overwhelmingly compelling force. We cannot see the real world because we are not in contact with the deeper powers of thought and sensing within ourselves that could perceive it. Because of this, it is inevitable that we experience the external world as the strongest force in our lives. This is the meaning and the origin of materialism.

The error, or, to use Christian language, the “sin” of materialism has at its root nothing to do with greed or possessiveness. Nor does it involve, at its root, some philosophical view about matter and spirit in their usual meanings. No, the error of materialism is an error of reality perception, based on lack of experiential contact with the inner world. What we know as greed and possessiveness, with their attendant traits of cruelty and human exploitation, are results of this ignorance of the inner world. We turn to the superficially perceived outer world for that which can only be obtained through deep access to the inner self. Materialism is not a “sin”; it is a mistake.

But a mistake of immense proportions, and with deadly consequences. It is like searching for water on the surface of the moon to search for meaning in the external world. Like grasping a picture of food and trying to eat it. Not only meaning, but also health, safety, service, love, and power can be obtained only through turning to reality. The unreal world can never yield these things to man.

About the Author: Jacob Needleman is an American philosopher, author and religious scholar. 

Monday, 18 May 2015

A Circle Of Trust

A Circle Of Trust - Parker Palmer

Like a wild animal, the soul is tough, resilient, resourceful, savvy, and self-sufficient: it knows how to survive in hard places. I learned about these qualities during my bouts with depression. In that deadly darkness, the faculties I had always depended on collapsed. My intellect was useless; my emotions were dead; my will was impotent; my ego was shattered. But from time to time, deep in the thickets of my inner wilderness, I could sense the presence of something that knew how to stay alive even when the rest of me wanted to die. That something was my tough and tenacious soul.

Yet despite its toughness, the soul is also shy. Just like a wild animal, it seeks safety in the dense underbrush, especially when other people are around. If we want to see a wild animal, we know that the last thing we should do is go crashing through the woods yelling for it to come out. But if we will walk quietly into the woods, sit patiently at the base of a tree, breathe with the earth, and fade into our surroundings, the wild creature we seek might put in an appearance. We may see it only briefly and only out of the corner of an eye - but the sight is a gift we will always treasure as an end in itself.

Unfortunately, community in our culture too often means a group of people who go crashing through the woods together, scaring the soul away. In spaces ranging from congregations to classrooms, we preach and teach, assert and argue, claim and proclaim, admonish and advise, and generally behave in ways that drive everything original and wild into hiding. Under these conditions, the intellect, emotions, will and ego may emerge, but not the soul: we scare off all the soulful things, like respectful relationships, goodwill, and hope.

A circle of trust is a group of people who know how to sit quietly "in the woods" with each other and wait for the shy soul to show up... In such a space, we are freed to hear our own truth, touch what brings us joy, become self critical about our faults, and take risky steps toward change - knowing that we will be accepted no matter what the outcome.

About the Author: Parker J. Palmer, is a world-renowned writer, speaker and activist who focuses on issues in education, community, leadership, spirituality and social change. He has reached millions worldwide through his nine books, including Let Your Life Speak, The Courage to Teach, A Hidden Wholeness, and Healing the Heart of Democracy. Above is an excerpt from his book titled A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward an Undivided Life.

Friday, 15 May 2015

Have You Ever Been Broken?

This goes out to all of the people who have been broken, but have been strong enough to let go.

For the people who have hurt so badly that they felt that they could never love again, but kept their head up. For the people who learn from their mistakes and never stop moving forward, even when they take two steps back. For the people that wish loneliness wasn’t a part of them, but put up with it anyhow...

For the people who periodically miss the past, but are so much more excited for the future.For the people that have wounds still healing. For the people that have so much tied to their past relationship, but break those chains to start fresh. For the people that want to look back so badly, but focus on the road ahead. For the people that pick up the phone and are tempted to call, but keep their dignity intact instead.

For the people that never wanted to let go, but had to. For the people that still believe in love even after all of the hurt their heart has endured. For all the people that gave up, not because they were weak, but because most times, it’s better just to let go. We’ll all get our happy ending someday.

We’ve all had our buttons pushed to the point where we feel we can’t take it anymore, and chances are, we’ve all pushed somebody else’s buttons, with or without knowing it. The button pusher may not be conscious of what they’re doing, but in the end the buttons belong to us, and we are the ones who must deal with what comes up. The more we take responsibility for our own feelings and reactions, the less tender these buttons will be.

At the same time, if someone continually opens our wounds so that they never have time to heal, we are well within our rights to set a boundary with that person. Compulsive button pushers, who seem to find pleasure or satisfaction in hurting us, are not welcome in our personal space. In the end, knowing where our buttons are enables us to do the work necessary to heal. Freedom comes when we deal with the pain behind the button, thus disconnecting our automatic reaction to being pushed.

When we stop trying to create happiness, happiness comes by itself. It is a common mistake to believe we have to work hard for happiness, or that happiness is conditioned by what we have, and who we are in society. Happiness is the experience of mind when there is no presence of fear. That's all. It's simple.

As with everything in the truly spiritual life, that which is valuable comes only when we have relinquished that which is invaluable – when we have let go.

So don't seek happiness, let go of your fears and obsessions, let go of your doubts and worries, and look, there it is!

Thursday, 14 May 2015

The 5 Conditions For The Emergence Of Collective Wisdom

When human beings gather...a depth of awareness and insight, a type of transcendent knowing, becomes available to us that can inform wise action and extraordinary results. --Alan Briskin

Leadership for Collective Wisdom


Leadership for Collective Wisdom - A network of people seeking to embody and radiate outward principles of collaboration, non violence, and wisdom necessary to address existential issues of life and be equipped with the tools, skills, and practices necessary to respond effectively in the world.
FIVE CONDITIONS FOR THE EMERGENCE OF COLLECTIVE WISDOM
1. Deep Listening
Listening with an intention that the other person feels heard and seen; creating the conditions and presence for the other to more fully come into their own highest being.
Listening to what is said and unsaid.
Listening with one's full self, with heart, mind, body, and soul.
2. Suspend Certainty
Capacity to suspend what we think is right, correct, or proper for a period of time, allowing other ways of knowing and other people to contribute to an expanded understanding.
Suspending habits of understanding which are solely rational and logical - allowing novel ways of knowing to be experienced, e.g. from cerebral ways of understanding to emotional and intuitive ways of knowing, from rational logical mind to mythic spiritual mind.
3. See Whole Systems
Seek diverse perspective.
Remain alert to the intrinsic interdependence of one's own group, other groups, larger collectives, and our shared Earth.
Ask essential questions.
Design whole systems to take into account the interdependence of the parts.
Attend to all facets of organizational health – leadership, relationships, teams, individual role performance, organizational purpose, outcomes, and consistent strategy.
Sensemaking - the on-going inquiry into how individuals and groups create coherence.
4. Gather for Group Emergence
Cultivate parallel ways of knowing - intuition, intellect, somatic awareness, respect for ancestral knowledge, regard for nature and physical space.
Be alert to what is emerging in the energetic field of the group - both thoughts and emotions.
Allow disturbances to established ideas or norms to lead to greater discernment and group resiliency.
Create safe spaces for dialogue.
Maintain respect for others, for relationships, for human decency.
Practice restraint in speaking with clear articulation of your own ideas, feelings, and passions.
Attend to the emotions arising within yourself and others.
5. Trust in the Extraordinary
Trust in what can emerge above and beyond your current understanding.
Welcome all that is arising.
Resist being constrained by the limitations of normative values or other's expectations.
Recognize the power of synchronicity and meaningful coincidence to shape choices and inspire awe and action.


This article is published here with permission. Alan Briskin is a leadership and organizational consultant. He is author of The Stirring of Soul in the Workplace and co-author of Daily Miracles, Bringing Your Soul to Work, and The Power of Collective Wisdom. 

Be The Change: Today, make a resolution to listen deeply and trust in the extraordinary.

Sourced From www.dailygood.org

Wednesday, 13 May 2015

The Giving Keys

Grace isn't a little prayer you chant before receiving a meal. It's a way to live. -- Jackie Windspear

The Giving Keys: Unlocking Human Potential With Discarded Metal

--by MICHELLE BURWELL, syndicated from truthatlas.com, Nov 30, 2014

This week a woman in Texas learned that a mother in Oklahoma had been leaving McDonald’s with her two young sons when they were struck by a car. Her youngest son, just three-years-old, was killed. The women’s lives had crossed briefly three years before, when they bonded at a wedding, both being pregnant.
The woman knew then who she would give her key to. She wrote the definition of courage on a card and she and her husband drove across three states (460 milse) to be with the grieving family, and to pass along the small key engraved with the word “courage.”
And so The Giving Keys go. A person purchases a key engraved with a word they feel may be lacking in their life. Faith. Hope. Courage. Fight. Dream. They wear the key, embrace the message, and when the moment has come that someone else seems to need the word more, they pass the key forward. And then they go back to The Giving Keys site and tell their story.
The Giving Keys began receiving stories from people who’d given keys and people who’d received keys. Keys have circulated through all different walks of life from people in chemotherapy wards fighting cancer to college students setting out on their own for the first time. But the business, which began out of complete happenstance, has evolved into something bigger than its founder could have ever even imagined.
L.A.-based singer-songwriter and actress Caitlin Crosby grew up in Hollywood. Early on she remembers feeling overwhelmed by the vanity of the industry. To rebel, she’d tell her parents she was going to a party, and then sneak off to youth group. She always knew she wanted to do something that made a difference, but didn’t know what that something was. She found herself, like so many do, overwhelmed by the weight and pervasiveness of some of the world’s biggest problems—unsure of what one person could actually do to make a difference.
But The Giving Keys seemed to come effortlessly. One day, while on tour, Caitlin wore her hotel room key around her neck to a show. She decided she’d take it to a locksmith and get it engraved. Over time, she began engraving more keys and selling them at her merchandise table. Soon the keys were selling out. She knew then that she had stumbled upon something significant.
In a TEDTalk Caitlin said she would tell her audience, “I want you to get a key that reminds you that you’re special; you’re one of a kind just like these keys.” The keys are old, used, flawed and discarded. It symbolizes some of the self-esteem issues so many people deal with on a daily basis.
As the keys continued to sell out at Caitlin’s concerts, thousands and thousands of pay it forward stories began pouring into the site. The social entrepreneur role, sort of inadvertently took over Caitlin’s life. But she knew she wasn’t done. She knew she wanted to give the proceeds to a charity, but couldn’t figure out where she wanted the funds to go. So she waited. She waited six months.
“So one day, I was walking down Hollywood Blvd., leaving church, and I was crying. ‘What is the meaning of life? What is the point of all this? I’m bursting with this, I want to help and change the world but what can I do. I don’t know,’” Caitlin explained to the TEDTalk audience.
That’s when she ran into two people, Rob and Cera, sitting on the street under an umbrella with a sign that read “Ugly, Broke and Hungry.”
Caitlin decided to take the couple to dinner. They had drinks and talked for a few hours and towards the end of the night, Caitlin mentioned to Cera that she liked her necklace. Cera replied that she made jewelry. And like that, everything fell into place.
Caitlin decided she would employ the homeless to make the keys; and Rob and Cera agreed to be her first business partners. Rob and Cera would make the keys that Caitlin would then sell at her shows. The couple began saving money from the work. They saved enough to stay in a motel and then eventually saved up enough to get their own apartment.
Both took the GED and Rob, who was raised on the streets and had never really had a home of his own, got an astounding 98 and 99. “It was so interesting to see that there was literal gold inside of these people and sometimes they just needed a little oomph,” said Caitlin. Rob’s parents still live under a bridge in San Diego, yet here he was completely transforming his life, breaking out of the relentless and indiscriminant cycle of poverty.
After the success of Rob and Cera, Caitlin hired ten more people trying to transition out of homelessness, five of whom have gotten completely off the streets. One couple, Jeff and Norma, met while engraving keys, fell in love, got engaged and got an apartment together—all because of The Giving Keys.
“My encouragement to you all is this,” Caitlin said in her TEDTalk, “Keep your eyes open to all the needs you see around you. They’re all over the place.”
Mother Teresa said, “Do not wait for leaders, do it alone. Person to person.” It’s simple, said Caitlin. You see someone who’s hungry; get them food. You see someone who’s cold; give them one of the dozens of blankets you likely have stacked in a closet. “There are locks all around you. And maybe you hold the key to someone else’s freedom,” said Caitlin. But whatever you do, if you receive something good, pass it forward.
Want to get involved?
Since the beginning, The Giving Keys has employed 19 people experiencing homelessness, providing opportunities for the team members to move into permanent housing. Today, The Giving Keys are carried in over 500 stores in the US and internationally including Anthropologie, Fred Segal, Henri Bendel and Kitson. You can also order a key online from TheGivingKeys.com.

This article originally appeared in truthAtlas, an online news source featuring multi-media stories about people and ideas making the world a better place. The article is reprinted here with permission. 
Be The Change: Give someone an extra bit of encouragement today. Maybe through a note, a smile or a small gift.

Sourced From www.dailygood.org

Monday, 11 May 2015

Sensitive As Opal

Sensitive As Opal - Dada J P Vaswani

A tourist was looking at the display In a famous Delhi jewellery store. Exquisite emeralds, rubies and diamonds dazzled the eye. But his attention was drawn to a dull stone, completely lacking in luster.
"That's certainly not as beautiful as the rest," he exclaimed.

''Just a moment," said the jeweller, taking the stone from the tray and closing his palms around it.  Moments later, he opened his palm and the stone glowed with beauty. "This is an opal," the jeweller explained. "It's what we call a sensitive jewel. It needs only to be held with a human hand to bring out its radiance and lustrous beauty."

Doesn't this strike a parallel to emotions that we share with people around us? The warmth, affection and love we give to them brings out the beauty in all human relations and leaves us beaming and radiant with joy.

It might be as simple as a pat on the back or a supportive touch on the arm. These gestures may seem small, but research shows more and more that touch is a powerful way to communicate emotion.

Give a lonely person a hug or shake hands with someone you have been trying to avoid lately. You will see the glow of happiness in their eyes and feel the same in your heart. 

Wednesday, 6 May 2015

The Benefits Of Consistency

It's not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives. It's what we do consistently. --Tony Robbins

The Under-appreciated Benefits of Creative Consistency

--by Gregory Ciotti, syndicated from sparringmind.com, Apr 23, 2015

Consistency doesn’t count for everything, but it sure counts for a whole lot. With the many landmines out there, ready to derail even the most talented of people, “showing up” regularly offers undeniable benefits. Some of these perks often go overlooked. For those excited to make progress this year, let’s keep in mind all of the advantages at our disposal when we have an enviable attendance record:
Consistency begets consistency. A person in motion stays in motion, unless acted upon by a Netflix binge session. The creative mind is much like machinery. Too much work and you overload it, too little and a decrepit state of rusty thinking awaits you. Keep the process humming by allowing the steady flow of work to never let the mental cobwebs settle.
When you’re consistent, it means never having to restart. “I’m getting back into the swing of things,” famous last words uttered by countless people with schedules as reliable as the weather. Constant progress keeps morale high, keeps enthusiasm brimming, and increases your investment in a project—nobody wants to break the chain once it’s gotten results.
Consistency trumps goal setting. When Scott Adams declared that “Goals are for losers,” the web went into a frenzy. The point he was trying to make was that the process is more important than the goal—what you do everyday matters more than what you plan to accomplish.
You can aim to become a famous author, or you can bleed a thousand words per day onto the page come hell or high water. You can aim to play Für Elise on the piano by March, or you can design the habit that regularly gets you in front of the keys for thirty minutes after work.
Consistency is integral to creativity. Writing doesn’t just transfer ideas, it creates them. The same can be said for all creative work. There is a risk, as Bruce Lee says, that “If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you’ll never get it done.” The inverse is rarely true, as doing something requires thinking about it. Consistent work puts you where the good ideas can find you.
With constant work comes constant inspiration. Ideas are not a predefined bucket that you should live in fear of drying up. Work creates a state that connects new ideas. Often called the creative ear, when you’re regularly working on things you enjoy, the walls come down and seemingly insignificant moments spark inspiration. Just be sure to give yourself some space. Fires only burn when they have room to breathe.
Consistency lightens the pressure to be brilliant. Bearing a burden that even Atlas wouldn’t envy, creative folks allow their flaky routines to trap them into a mindset that demands each work be luminous. Expectations weigh heavy when they aren’t continually reset—not only from your audience (“This had better be worth the wait…”) but for the ones you set yourself.
Create something once in a blue moon and people will expect something as novel and awe-inspiring as a blue moon. Consistency relieves you of this burden. The more you create, the more you have to throw away or release to the world; as Hemingway would put it: “I write one page of masterpiece to ninety-one pages of shit. I try to put the shit in the wastebasket.” I hope you’re creating enough to have material to trash, because even genius produces a few duds.
Consistency forms needed constraints. Succumbing to “George Lucas Syndrome” starts with having too large of a canvas. When you have to work backwards from your schedule, consistent creation naturally forms constraints—you better have a system in place to finish work at regular intervals.
You can’t schedule insight, so the worry is that this will make your work repetitive. The mistake here is believing that a common theme, style, or process forces work to be mundane—creativity thrives on constraints. I love the videos from ASAPscience even though they all use a whiteboard and are always about science (here’s one). When done right, consistency cultivates something that’s repeatable, not repetitive.
Finding Your Average Speed - From a keynote by Dr. Peter Myers, Data Scientist at Moz
Whenever the word “you” appears in my writing, know that I am talking to myself.
Last year, I stumbled into many of the pitfalls above. My writing at SparringMind.com slowed to a snail’s pace, and I published less than ten essays.
To be fair, I was creating very consistently at Help Scout. But everything I’ve mentioned impeded on my ability to write personal essays: I felt pressure to always publish a “big one,” I had no schedule and no template, and the work wasn’t being done to give me additional ideas.
The writing I did publish was well received, but I began to stress myself out by working at manic speeds and depressive speeds—I’d write a long essay with dozens of research studies in a blur of motion, only to later come down from the high and not publish anything for months.
What I should have cared about was my average speed.
On average, my progress for writing last year was slow. Compounding interest produces more meaningful results than individual swings, but I was chasing the metaphorical “blue moon” mentioned above.
It’s easy to make excuses when we don’t commit to a realistic average speed. Grand, spasmodic effort won’t achieve lasting results—consistency will.
If you set any resolutions this year, I hope you’ll join me in committing to a simple objective: show up consistently. I’ll be here, will you.

This article originally appeared on Sparring Mind and is republished with permission. Gregory Ciotti leads growth at Help Scout and is the author of Sparring Mind, where he takes a fresh look at human behaviour, productivity, habits, and creative work.
Be The Change: Choose a small part of the day during which you will put attention toward one of your most meaningful goals. Consistently honour that small commitment and enjoy watching that goal come to fruition.
Sourced From www.dailygood.org

Tuesday, 5 May 2015

Why A Culture Of Compassion Matters

True compassion means not only feeling another's pain but also being moved to help relieve it. -- Daniel Goleman

Why Fostering a Culture of Companionate Love in the Workplace Matters

--by Knowledge@Wharton, syndicated from knowledge.wharton.upenn.edu, Dec 02, 2014

For some employees, a typical day at the office might begin with a barrage of work-related questions from impatient colleagues who have been awaiting their arrival. For others, it might start off with a series of cheerful greetings from co-workers, questions about how their family members are doing or perhaps an offer to grab a quick cup of coffee before the daily work deluge begins.

According to Wharton management professor Sigal Barsade, there is reason to believe that the latter scenario — which illustrates what she refers to as “companionate love” in the workplace — is not only more appealing, but also is vital to employee morale, teamwork and customer satisfaction.
Companionate love is shown “when colleagues who are together day in and day out, ask and care about each other’s work and even non-work issues,” Barsade says. “They are careful of each other’s feelings. They show compassion when things don’t go well. And they also show affection and caring — and that can be about bringing somebody a cup of coffee when you go get your own, or just listening when a co-worker needs to talk.”
To demonstrate the value of companionate love in the workplace, Barsade and co-author Olivia “Mandy” O’Neill, assistant professor of management at George Mason University, performed a 16-month longitudinal study at a long-term health care facility involving 185 employees, 108 patients and 42 of those patients’ family members. Barsade and O’Neill set out to measure the effect of companionate love on emotional and behavioral outcomes of employees, as well as on health outcomes of patients and the satisfaction of those patients’ family members. The results of their study are included in a paper titled, “What’s Love Got to Do with It? A Longitudinal Study of the Culture of Companionate Love and Employee and Client Outcomes in the Long-Term Care Setting,” which will be published in an upcoming issue of Administrative Science Quarterly.
To conduct their research, Barsade and O’Neill constructed a scale designed to measure tenderness, compassion, affection and caring. But rather than simply asking the participants if they felt or expressed those emotions themselves, the researchers asked to what degree people saw their colleagues expressing them. They also brought in independent raters to observe those four elements of the facility’s culture, as well as asked family members to rate the culture. Last, they added ratings of “cultural artifacts” (how the culture is displayed in the physical environment) that reflect a culture of companionate love — for example, having spaces with a “homey” environment, throwing birthday parties, etc. “We have a very robust measurement consisting of all the possible lenses on the culture of the unit,” Barsade says.

Our field tends to focus on shared cognitions of people at work, yet an understanding of shared emotions … can also have important outcomes for organizations.–Sigal Barsade

This study was among the few to focus on emotional culture rather than cognitive culture, Barsade notes. “What we’re talking about is shared emotions. Our field tends to focus on shared cognitions of people at work, yet an understanding of shared emotions of people at work can also have important outcomes for organizations.”
When Love Is Infectious
Barsade and O’Neill believed long-term care would be the ideal setting to test their hypothesis that companionate love is a positive force in the workplace. “In these facilities, you have people dealing with residents who are there for a long time. You have employees who have chosen a caring industry,” Barsade says. “So it was a natural first stop for looking at the concept of emotional culture. Even though this has to do with how employees are treating each other, and not necessarily how they are treating their clients, we argue that if they treat each other with caring, compassion, tenderness and affection, that will spill over to residents and their families.”
One of the most significant findings in the study was that a culture of companionate love reduces employees’ withdrawal from work. Barsade and O’Neill measured employee withdrawal by surveying workers about their levels of emotional exhaustion and by studying their rates of absenteeism. They found that units with higher levels of companionate love had lower levels of absenteeism and employee burnout. The researchers also discovered that a culture of companionate love led to higher levels of employee engagement with their work via greater teamwork and employee satisfaction.
This could occur even with employees who don’t necessarily feel the high levels of companionate love that exist in their units. “The view that dominated our field for 20 years was that anytime you engage in emotional labor — meaning you’re changing or regulating your emotions for a wage –that’s going to lead to burnout,” Barsade says. “What we’re suggesting is that it’s more complicated than that. It may well be that even if you don’t start out feeling the culture of love — even if you’re just enacting it — it can lead to these positive outcomes. In addition, there is the possibility that as you enact companionate love, you will begin to feel it over time.”

Units with higher levels of companionate love had lower levels of absenteeism and employee burnout.

The study also found that the culture of companionate love rippled out from staff to influence patients and their families. “Certified nursing assistants rated the mood of the residents, and the outside observers rated the culture. Those outside observers could predict that [patients] would be in a better mood if the culture among the staff was more loving,” Barsade says.
Barsade and O’Neill measured patient quality of life based on 11 factors commonly used to assess long-term care facilities, including comfort, dignity, satisfaction with the food and spiritual fulfillment. Across the board, Barsade says, there was a positive correlation between a culture of companionate love and patient quality of life.
Interestingly, however, when the researchers looked at the health outcomes of the patients, they didn’t find as much of an impact of companionate love as they expected. They measured three of the most critical outcomes for patients in long-term care: unnecessary trips to the emergency room, weight gain and incidence of ulcers from spending too much time in bed. They found that while a culture of companionate love did lead to fewer trips to the ER, it didn’t affect weight or ulcers.
“We statistically controlled for factors such as general patient health, physical functioning and degree of cognitive impairment, so it was quite a conservative test,” Barsade says. “But health effects are not always directly seen. I wouldn’t give up on it.”
Beyond Health Care Settings
There is one key question raised by Barsade’s and O’Neill’s research: Does companionate love matter in workplaces that don’t revolve around providing love and compassion to clients? To answer that question, they performed a second study involving 3,201 employees in seven different industries. Using the same scale they employed in the long-term care facility, the researchers found that a culture of companionate love positively correlated with job satisfaction, commitment to the company and accountability for performance.
The relationships they found in the long-term care setting held steady. “What we found is that companionate love does matter across a broad range of industries, including those as diverse as real estate, finance and public utilities,” O’Neill says. “But the interesting thing is that even though the overall baseline of companionate love can differ across industries, there was as much of a difference within industries as between industries. Overall, we found that — regardless of the industry baseline — to the extent that there’s a greater culture of companionate love, that culture is associated with greater satisfaction, commitment and accountability.”

“What we found is that companionate love does matter across a broad range of industries, including those as diverse as real estate, finance and public utilities.”–Olivia “Mandy” O’Neill

O’Neill and Barsade believe that their initial findings in other industries argue for further investigation. And additional studies are already underway. For example, O’Neill is working with Wharton management professor Nancy Rothbard on a study involving firefighters. “What we see is that companionate love acts as a helper for the problems they struggle with at work and outside of work,” O’Neill says. “For example, [firefighters] tend to have high levels of work-family conflict because of the stress that comes from the job. Companionate love actually helps to buffer the effect of job stress and work-family conflict on other outcomes.”
Barsade says her study in the long-term care facility has also inspired her to examine the role of other aspects of emotional culture at work. “We don’t just have one type of emotional culture,” she says. “We happen to be looking at a culture of companionate love here. But you could have a culture of anger. You could have culture of fear. You could have culture of joy. The natural second step is to look at how these factors influence one another, and then to look at the whole picture of how cognitive culture and emotional culture intersect.”
Already, though, the research seems to be pointing to a strong message for managers in all industries, Barsade says: tenderness, compassion, affection and caring matter at work. “Management can do something about this,” she says. “They should be thinking about the emotional culture. It starts with how they are treating their own employees when they see them. Are they showing these kinds of emotions? And it informs what kind of policies they put into place. This is something that can definitely be very purposeful — not just something that rises organically.”

Be The Change: This week do one thing to be more caring and compassionate to those around you in your workplace.

Sourced From www.dailygood.org