No One Is Perfect

No One Is Perfect - Dada J P Vaswani

It was a wise man who said: “Only in grammar can you be more than perfect.” And an Italian proverb warns us wryly: “He that will have a perfect brother must resign himself to remain brotherless.”

And here is a brilliant piece of inductive reasoning: “I am a nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect.”

The spirit of tolerance and acceptance is essential to a happy life and a peaceful mind. The world we live in is far from perfect; we are not ourselves paragons of perfection; and the same goes for the people around us. As they say, it's a crazy, mixed-up world – but we must recognise ourselves as part of all this imperfection, and accept life as it comes.

The greatest famine in the world today is the famine of understanding. No two people seem to understand each other today! Therefore, misunderstandings abound in our age. There is misunderstanding in our homes, our clubs, our schools, colleges, universities, corporations and organisations.

I recall the words of the great Parsi Prophet, Zoroaster: “Know well that a hundred temples of wood and stone have not the value of one understanding heart!”

Understanding hearts are what we need, so that people may live and work in harmonious, peaceful co-existence.

People Do Business With People?

Also applicable to non-professional life ...

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Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. --Confucius

What Makes a Great Workplace?

--by Jill Suttie, syndicated from Greater Good, Apr 21, 2015

A new book applies science to figuring out how to build a place where people actually look forward to work.

Many of my friends really dread their jobs. They complain about employers who treat them like machinery—there to churn out whatever is required of them, regardless of the cost to their motivation, creativity or personal health. Their bosses seem to expect that they work long hours and stay glued to cell phones at night, but then show little appreciation or, worse, micromanage them. No one likes it; but what alternatives are there when employers have deadlines to meet or products to develop?

Plenty, according to psychologist Ron Friedman. In his new book, The Best Place to Work: The Art and Science of Creating an Extraordinary Workplace. Friedman, a psychologist and business consultant, distills decades of research on motivation, creativity, and performance to provide both business leaders and their employees with useful tips for restructuring work environments to increase innovation, efficiency, and even joy in the workplace.

Some of Friedman’s suggestions may come as a surprise for those not familiar with the science and can seem downright counterintuitive. For example, he suggests that companies wanting to be successful and on the cutting edge of innovation need to embrace failure in their employees. That’s right, failure. “Accepting failure doesn’t just make risk-taking easier,” he writes. “In a surprising number of instances, it’s the only reliable path to success.”

This idea comes from research on creativity showing that creative solutions most often come not from individual brilliance but from giving people the freedom try many different solutions to see which one works best. But, who can be a creative problem solver when stressed or when fearing retribution from a boss? We literally drain our brains of needed cognitive resources when we are in an anxiety-induced “fight or flight” mode. That’s why it behooves employers to give their employees permission to fail and to learn from their mistakes: it’s the path to innovation.

Friedman makes several other provocative suggestions for employers wanting to get ahead. For example, he suggests that they encourage employees to pursue outside interests on company time or to take frequent rests or even short naps on the job. Both of these have been shown help people to broaden their thinking and to make cognitive connections, which is important for innovation and job efficiency. And, for employees wanting to increase their work satisfaction, asking for more challenge and variety in job assignments or practicing gratitude can make a big difference in your happiness and productivity.

“Over time a continuous focus on what’s missing trains our minds to center on the negative,” writes Friedman. “But by taking a moment to redirect our attention to things that are going right…we restore a balance to our thinking that elevates our moods and prevents negative emotions like resentment, envy, and regret from creeping in.”

Additionally, he suggests that employers challenge employees without overwhelming them and empower them to find their own best approach to getting the job done (which may mean a flex schedule or working from home). And he provides employers tips for managing mood (important, since moods are contagious) and for thanking employees in ways that increase rather than kill motivation.

Overall, Friedman recommends fostering three things for better workplace environments: autonomy (employees having more control over their work), competence (employees having the tools they need to succeed), and relatedness (better social bonds at work). Though relatedness may be the most overlooked aspect of employee engagement, researchers who study predictors of productivity in the workplace have found that having a best friend at work has many benefits, including increasing employee focus, passion, and loyalty, and decreasing sick time and workplace accidents.

How to encourage friendships at work? “Proximity, familiarity, similarity, and self-disclosure all play a role,” writes Friedman. “The trick is to create the conditions that naturally foster these elements and integrate them into the work environment.” He suggests employers pay for activities that bring workers together in a shared activity, such as attending a yoga class or working together on a community project, or create break rooms or other communal spaces so that this happens naturally.

But while our social networks are important to nurture, Friedman warns against encouraging workplace gossip, which can have detrimental impacts on a business. Though it might be tempting to simply outlaw gossip, Friedman suggests instead that employers try to use gossip as a way to understand what’s going on interpersonally at work. Gossip often suggests that someone is feeling powerless in a situation or needs help and encouragement to succeed, he writes, and employers would do well to role-model transparency and a willingness to listen rather than prohibiting gossip or, worse, engaging in it themselves.

Friedman’s main message is that workplaces have a lot of room for improvement, and that paying attention to what we’ve learned from the science is a good idea. The old factory model of workplace efficiency—where each worker is a cog in the system is expected to do what he’s told to do without an understanding of how he’s contributing or the power to control his efforts—is outdated in our information economy. Instead, employers need to find the ways that they can encourage their most important asset—their employees—and strategically foster greater workplace innovation, productivity, and harmony.

“When we provide employees; with the flexibility to succeed in both their personal and professional lives, we achieve more than an extraordinary workplace,” he writes. “We create an organization that performs at its very best."  

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This article is printed here with permission from the Greater Good Science Center (GGSC). Based at UC Berkeley, the GGSC studies the psychology, sociology, and neuroscience of well-being, and teaches skills that foster a thriving, resilient, and compassionate society. You can learn more about the science and power of gratitude at the Greater Good Gratitude Summit.

The author, Jill Suttie, Psy.D., is Greater Good‘s book review editor and a frequent contributor to the magazine. 

Be The Change: What steps might you take to improve your workspace? Implement one of them today.

Sourced From www.dailygood.org

Why Is Love So Misunderstood?

Why Is Love So Misunderstood? - Julia Fernandes

Few months back I happened to read a small piece on a well-known Hollywood actor. He was introduced to a woman in an event and what drew him to her was the fact that she refused to take his telephone number. Attitude, you may say!

This led me to think what is that makes a woman irresistible when she plays hard to get? And why is that a man is not drawn to a woman who genuinely displays affection? Is it the male chasing instinct? Men love to chase.

Recently, I was in a conversation with my friend. One of her friends gave her this advice, don’t make yourself easily available, in other words, play hard to get. If you look up on the Internet for relationship advice, you will find ample of articles, such as 5 Steps to get your man back, 7 Steps to win her over, how to avoid your ex, etc, etc, etc.

All these articles talk so much about the complexities of love and the intricacies involved that can put even the most intricate embroidery design to shame. According to the Self-help love gurus, love is everything but simple.

I may be the odd one out here. But, somehow I am unable to comprehend the little games people play in love, the hide and seek, the giving and holding back thing, the manipulation, deceit, etc. I am unable to understand when people are advised not to give it your all, to hold back, play your cards close to your chest.

How does God and babies love? 
This is definitely not the way God loves us. No. God loves us in the most simple, straight, honest and truthful way. No manipulation, no deceit, no keeping anybody guessing. His love is constant and abiding. And that is the way we ought to love each other.

Take a small baby for example. Few days back I happened to carry my neighbour’s five month old baby boy. He does not know me, but yet he gave me the broadest blush and smile. Self help love gurus teach you to not hold on too tight, learn to let go. This little chap caught hold of my dupatta tight. When I managed to free my dupatta he caught hold of my finger so tight that it took a considerable amount of time to free my finger from his tiny but firm and amazing strong grasp.

What did I learn? I learnt that in a world that teaches you not to express your feelings, needs, not to hold on tight to people in your life, this little baby taught me that love is all about holding on to what you feel is your own. You hold on and hold on tight to all that resonates with love.

So, what is love?
Love is really simple.
When you love you belong.
When you love, you love with all your body, heart, mind and soul.
When you love, you give the ones you love your undivided attention and care.
When you love, you don’t make time, you simply are there.
If you love someone say it.
If you don’t love someone, say it too. Do not mislead anyone.
Never break anyone’s heart. Never.

Finally, love is all about FREE WILL. Respect people’s free will. We can love, but we cannot impose our affections nor demand the same.

Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into friend. -- Martin Luther King Jr.

Teaching Our Children to Love Their Enemies

--by Kozo Hattori, syndicated from goodmenproject.com, Mar 14, 2015

We can raise a whole generation of children who have the capacity to embody what all the great sages have instructed us: Love thy enemy.

At a weekly local gathering, our hostess, Harshida, told us that her house had been getting egged lately. This came as quite a shock because her family is one of the kindest and most generous families I have ever met.

Harshida revealed how just last Friday her and her husband heard loud thumping noises at their windows. Although the fear of gunshots breached her thoughts, Harshida ventured to investigate. “When I managed to sneak in a look, I saw a medley of eggs, oranges, and such coming at our window.”

Courageously, Harshida decided to confront her “enemies.” Armed only with her belief that “all strangers are my kin,” she went outside to see “three cute kids.”

Rather than berate them, Harshida tried to connect, “Hey guys, thank you for the oranges. Can I have them so they don’t go to waste?” But the kids started to run. Harshida walked after them and said, “Wait! Wait! Don’t be afraid. I’m not going to do anything. I just want to talk. And I can use your oranges.” The assailants ran off without looking back.

In reflection, Harshida felt a “sense of motherly connection.” She explained, “More than forgiveness, it was more like an effortless flow of compassion.” 

Perhaps one of the most universal, yet most ignored teachings in religion is to “love thy enemy.” Obviously, Jesus Christ exemplifies this when he said, “God forgive them for they know not what they do” on the cross. The Tibetan Buddhist practices of compassion for “difficult others” echoes Jesus along these lines.

I’ve found it very difficult to see my enemies as human, much less love them, so every day I work hard to remind myself that we are all the divine at different levels of understanding. I want my sons to have easier access to loving their enemies, so I’m starting their training in this teaching early.

Harshida’s story unveils some powerful wisdom on how and why to teach our children to love their enemies.

When Harshida ran outside to confront the potentially “dangerous enemy,” it turned out to be a group of 10 and 11 year old children. It helps to see all our enemies as children because they once were children and in some ways they still are children (which is why they often act childishly). It is much easier to see children as fundamentally good or acting out in ways that they “know not what they are doing.”

People don’t willingly choose to be malicious, vindictive, or hateful. They experience things in their lives—often when they are very young—which force them to take on the defences of anger, aggression, and scorn. In my experience with prisoners, I’ve noticed that most of the inmates who have committed heinous crimes were seriously traumatized as children or young adults. Seeing my enemies as children reminds me of the saying, “all attacks are a cry for help.”

It is very easy to teach my sons to view their enemies as children because most of their “enemies” are children. So when 7 year old Jett tells me that he is no longer friends with someone because they were mean to him, I ask him if he has ever been mean to someone else.

I then ask him how he would feel if everyone that he was ever mean to decided to not be friends with him. Hopefully, this will help Jett to see that his enemies are just like him—a child doing the best s/he can to make their way in the world.

I believe that if children can learn this lesson at an early age, then it won’t be a huge step for them to see someone of a different race, religion, or nationality as just like them. If they begin to see the world in this way, then when someone really hurts them or their family, they might be able to forgive their enemies.

Forgiveness can lead to understanding. Understanding plants the seeds for love. We can raise a whole generation of children who have the capacity to embody what all the great sages have instructed us: Love thy enemy. 

I know there are a lot of “ifs” in the plan I’ve outlined, but think about the alternative. Do we continue to teach our children to egg the houses of those who are different from us or with whom we don’t get along? And what happens when these children get tired of throwing eggs and want something that does more damage? 

I’m joining forces with Harshida, Jesus, and the Dalai Lama by trying to dive into the “effortless flow of compassion” with all who enter my field. Maybe when my children see me marching off every day armed only with compassion, they might take up their battles with hugs, flowers, and love. “You may call me a dreamer, but I’m not the only one…”  

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This article originally appeared in The Good Men Project and is republished with permission. The Good Men Project is a diverse community of 21st century thought leaders who are actively participating in a conversation about the way men’s roles are changing in modern life—and the way those changes affect everyone.  - See more at: http://m.dailygood.org/story/991/teaching-our-children-to-love-their-enemies-kozo-hattori/#sthash.nOTmqfPL.dpuf

Be The Change: Make the effort to get to know someone who irks you. Even if it's with a simple hello and a smile, aim to see the best in them.

Sourced From www.dailygood.org

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Graduation

Graduation - Nimesh Patel

Have your eye on the goal, but then let it all go

For everything changes, as you will come to know
Every plan you make, and every seed you sow
Is impermanent, nothing is ever yours to own

Once you realize this, oh you will see the truth

That you never were the planter of your own fruits,
But accept these gifts even if you don’t know from who
And kindly pay it forward to those behind you

Cuz ultimately, what we take will always disappear

But what we give will live on for years
So keep giving, of your stuff and yourself
Until your ego, has completely melted

Be wary of the impact that you wanna make

Instead make sure you are impacted each day
Have your eye on the sky, but still see the ants
For the small things are the foundation of all that will last

We move on

As time passes by
Let’s just hope we move from
Darkness to light
When we reach the top
And we look back, I
Hope you cry,
Filled with tears of joy, satisfied

Be careful not to accumulate too many things

Because you may just end up with a pot full of greed
And doing, likewise can also be deceiving
So I encourage you all to practice just being

Be still, be happy, be loving, be kind

Be humble, be magical, be aware, but be blind
Don’t judge, see the good in each and every soul
Use your mind when needed, but follow your heart even more

Also, don’t forget to thank God, every time you fail,

Cuz your journey from failure, will be your legacy and tale
Remember to feed birds, hug trees and bow to the sun
Until you and Mother Nature are one

The last thing, is to be grateful for all of your gifts

For gratitude and suffering cannot co-exist
When you reach this space, every moment will be bliss
And this graduating class, will mark your success

Happy, free, confused and lonely, miserable and magical at the same time

Our capacity to love is a currency that just never runs out,
Consider the likes of Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Mother Theresa,
And may each of you tap into that generous ocean and discover everyday what it means to give,
In giving may you fully experience what it means to receive,
And as Martin Luther King Says, “Everyone can be great, because everyone can serve”
May you all find greatness in service to life,
May you all give, receive and never ever stop dancing. Thank you.

About the Author: At the pinnacle of a dizzying career, young Indian-American rapper Nimesh "Nimo" Patel was haunted by an unshakeable sense of emptiness. In his mid-twenties, he abandoned the limelight. An inner voice nudged him to radically simplify his life and find his purpose in service to others. Moving to the Gandhi Ashram in India, he dedicated himself to the children in surrounding slums. After a 7-year musical hiatus -- 5 of which were spent living with and learning from slum communities -- something inside nudged him to write music again. But, this time, in a different spirit. One that would reflect the heart of humanity. Over the past 9 months, Nimo has released a labor-of-love album, co-produced two music videos on kindness and gratitude, and embarked on a music pilgrimage -- all in the spirit of finding, practicing, and sharing small acts with great love.  Reading above are the lyrics one of his songs -- Graduation. 

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Returning To The Language Of Life

Returning To The Language Of Life - Anat Vaughan-Lee

We do not always know what it is or how to articulate it, but deep inside there is a longing, a longing to live according to a true calling. A calling that comes not from the personality but from a deeper part of ourselves, a part that is connected to a greater whole that, if we recognize, opens a door to a different experience of life. Like a new horizon that opens before us, it offers the possibility that we can see and experience and connect to life in a new way. A way that enables us to participate differently and more deeply, from an awareness of a great and unfolding mysterious whole which we are a part.

But if we give it a second look, this emergence of the new light, a new beginning in the winter, belongs to a mystery of light and dark that we have always been part of. So although it may appear to be an end of a cycle, we are really participating in a mystery that has been celebrated in every culture over the thousands of years of recorded history.

I call it a participation of being.

The need to participate with a greater awareness evokes in me the image of the seed and the question: in today’s culture, what are we really rooted in? We wish for a fresh start, like a new seed, a new growth. The power of a seed is unimaginable. Within it lies the mystery of time, the cycle of the seasons and of death and rebirth. It possesses both masculine and feminine qualities which are in constant creative dialogue. From the dark womb of the feminine the direct force of the masculine emerges and shoots up into the light. Light and dark are in constant relationship. The seed is also both the center and the circumference, calling us to remember the sacred nature of life, the interconnected language of the universe, a song of oneness communicating to us and telling us, again and again, that we too are partaking in a primordial whole.

When we begin to realize this, a very mysterious process is awakened within us. We begin to participate in the great mystery of being that is so central to our existence. We begin to realize we are rooted in a greater rhythm, the reality of a greater whole which is at the same time unique to each of us. If and when we begin to live from such awareness, I wonder if our whole view of what a new year can mean will bring with it a very different understanding, an understanding that is so essential to the quality of our life, providing us a new sense of our roots.

Returning to such awareness is a returning to the language of life, no longer from a place of separation but from a place of sacred communion. When we hold this awareness within our body we become a full participant with the earth and the cosmos—at that moment something is allowed to live according to its true nature. We remember. That which is remembered lives. When we hold this consciousness in our heart, we naturally offer it back to life. This not only gives life meaning, but like a seed, revitalizes it. We then participate not only in the mystery of our own being but in the whole wonder of creation.

About the Author: Anat Vaughan-Lee has followed the Naqshbandi Sufi path since 1973. For many years she has been working with groups and dream work in the Sufi tradition, which encourages the deep feminine way of inner listening. In 2003 she was a delegate to the first Global Peace Initiative for Women conference at the Palais des Nations (UN) in Geneva. She also gave a presentation at “Making Way for the Feminine”; a gathering of women spiritual leaders held in Jaipur, India in 2008. Recognizing the need and urgency of the moment for the re-emergence of the feminine, she compiled and edited the writings of her husband, Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee, on the subject of the sacred feminine, which has emerged as the book The Return of the Feminine and the World Soul. 

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Do You Feel Uncared For?

Do You Feel Uncared For? - Daniell Koepke

It’s easy to feel uncared for when people aren’t able to communicate and connect with you in the way you need.

And it’s so hard not to internalize that silence as a reflection on your worth. But the truth is that the way other people operate is not about you. Most people are so caught up in their own responsibilities, struggles, and anxiety that the thought of asking someone else how they’re doing doesn’t even cross their mind. They aren’t inherently bad or uncaring — they’re just busy and self-focused.

... And that’s okay.

It’s not evidence of some fundamental failing on your part. It doesn’t make you unlovable or invisible. It just means that those people aren’t very good at looking beyond their own world. But the fact that you are — that despite the darkness you feel, you have the ability to share your love and light with others — is a strength.

Your work isn’t to change who you are; it’s to find people who are able to give you the connection you need. Because despite what you feel, you are not too much. You are not too sensitive or too needy. You are thoughtful and empathetic. You are compassionate and kind.

And with or without anyone’s acknowledgement or affection, you are enough.

Micro Moments Of Love

Love leads us into mystery where no one can say what comes next, or how, or why. -- Caryn Mirriam-Goldberg

Micro Moments of Love

--by Barbara Frederickson, syndicated from awakin.org, Dec 13, 2014

It’s time to upgrade our view of love. First and foremost, love is an emotion, a momentary state that arises to infuse your mind and body alike.

Love, like all emotions, surfaces like a distinct and fast-moving weather pattern, a subtle and ever-shifting force. As for all positive emotions, the inner feeling love brings you is inherently and exquisitely pleasant -- it feels extraordinarily good, the way a long, cool drink of water feels when you’re parched on a hot day. Yet far beyond feeling good, a micro-moment of love, like other positive emotions, literally changes your mind. It expands your awareness of your surroundings, even your sense of self. The boundaries between you and not-you -- what lies beyond your skin -- relax and become more permeable. While infused with love you see fewer distinctions between you and others. Indeed, your ability to see others -- really see them, wholeheartedly -- springs open. Love can even give you a palpable sense of oneness and connection, a transcendence that makes you feel part of something far larger than yourself. Love, like all emotions, surfaces like a distinct and fast-moving weather pattern, a subtle and ever-shifting force. And the new take on love that I want to share with you is this: Love blossoms virtually any time two or more people -- even strangers -- connect over a shared positive emotion, be it mild or strong.

Odds are, if you were raised in a Western culture, you think of emotions as largely private events. You locate them within a person’s boundaries, confined within their mind and skin. When conversing about emotions, your use of singular possessive adjectives betrays this point of view. You refer to ‘my anxiety,’ ‘his anger,’ or ‘her interest.’ Following this logic, love would seem to belong to the person who feels it. Defining love as positivity resonance challenges this view. Love unfolds and reverberates between and among people -- within interpersonal transactions -- and thereby belong to all parties involved, and to the metaphorical connective tissue that binds them together, albeit temporarily. More than any other positive emotion, then, love belongs not to one person, but to pairs or groups of people. It resides within connections.

Perhaps most challenging of all, love is neither lasting nor unconditional. The radical shift we need to make is this: Love, as your body experiences it, is a micro-moment of connection shared with another. And decades of research now shows that love, seen as these micro-moments of positive connection, fortifies the connection between your brain and your heart and makes you healthier. It can seem surprising that an experience that lasts just a micro-moment can have any lasting effect on your health and longevity. Yet there’s an important feedback loop at work here, an upward spiral between your social and your physical well-being. That is, your micro-moments of love not only make you healthier, but being healthier also builds your capacity for love. Little by little, love begets love by improving your health. And health begets health by improving your capacity for love.

--Barbara Frederickson, in Love 2.0

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ServiceSpace.org is an incubator of gift-economy projects that is run by inspired volunteers. Its mission statement reads: "We believe in the inherent goodness of others and aim to ignite that spirit of service. Through our small, collective acts, we hope to transform ourselves and the world." 

Be The Change: Challenge the conventional, romantic notion of love today by feeling love towards a stranger. How does this connection expand your sense of self?

Sourced From www.dailygood.org

You Cannot Capture Silence, It Captures You

You Cannot Capture Silence, It Captures You - Richard Rohr

For me, the two correctives of all spirituality are silence and service. If either of those is missing, it is not true, healthy spirituality. Without silence, we do not really experience our experiences. We may serve others and have many experiences, but without silence, nothing has the power to change us, to awaken us, to give us that joy that the world cannot give, as Jesus says. And without clear acts of free service (needing no payback of any sort, even “heaven”), a person’s spiritual authenticity can and should be called into question. Divine Love always needs to and must overflow!

To live in this primordial, foundational being itself, which I am calling silence, creates a kind of sympathetic resonance with what is right in front of us. Without it, we just react instead of respond. Without some degree of silence, we are never living, never tasting, as there is not much capacity to enjoy, appreciate, or taste the moment as it purely is. The opposite of contemplation is not action, it is reaction. We must wait for pure action, which always proceeds from a contemplative silence in which we are able to listen anew to truth and to what is really happening. Such spiritual silence demands a deep presence to oneself in the moment, which will probably have the same practical effect as presence to God.

You do not hear silence (precisely!), but it is that by which you do hear. You cannot capture silence. It captures you. Silence is a kind of thinking that is not thinking. It’s a kind of thinking which mostly sees(contemplata). Silence, then, is an alternative consciousness. It is a form of intelligence, a form of knowing beyond bodily reacting or emotion. It is a form of knowing beyond mental analysis, which is what we usually call thinking. All of the great world religions at the higher levels(mystical) discovered that our tyrannical mode of everyday thinking (which is largely compulsive, brain-driven, and based on early patterning and conditioning) has to be relativized and limited, or it takes over, to the loss of our primal being and identity in ourselves. I used to think that mysticism was the eventual fruit of years of contemplation; now I think it all begins with one clear moment of mystic consciousness, which then becomes the constant “spring inside us, welling up unto eternal life”.

About the Author: Richard Rohr is a Franciscan friar, an internationally known speaker and author, and ​founding director of the Center for Action and Contemplation. The above passage is from his book, "Silent Compassion: Finding God in Contemplation." 

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Is This Today's Reality?